


Coming Home

by themillenialfalcon (abunchofmellarky)



Series: Coming Home [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexuality, Dysfunctional Family, Eventual Smut, F/M, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Rey is a Skywalker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:23:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5580103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abunchofmellarky/pseuds/themillenialfalcon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kylo hears that this Christmas might be the last for his grandfather, Anakin Skywalker, he makes the choice to travel home after years of estrangement from his family. He and his father will attempt to make amends before the holiday is over, but his new life will continue to pull him in another direction. Will Kylo leave his past behind or try find balance? Modern AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first fanfiction in a really long time. The Force Awakens gave me the bug again. This will mostly focus on a father/son relationship between Han and Kylo Ben. But there is an element of Kylux as well. Hux will be more prominent in future chapters. I hope you enjoy it! Thanks.

* * *

  

The air was frigid. Yet, Kylo Benjamin Solo had reason to believe that the cold winter air was a much warmer atmosphere than what awaited him inside the two story red brick colonial house that stood just fifty feet in front of him. The home seemed so massive to him, even now as an adult. When he was a child the house loomed large in his mind in terms of mere size. To his young mind, it was giant, far larger than the homes of his friends and other family. Now, as he stood in front of the home as a thirty-year-old man, its physical size did not loom quite as large, but its imprint on his mind was as giant as ever.

The house represented his past. It was his childhood home, the place where he had spent his formative years - years that he so desperately wanted to put behind him. Physically, it was a classic symbol of where he came from: an upper middle class white suburban family. It was a classic home. Simple. Quaint. Painfully normal. All that was missing was a white picket fence. He hated it.

He always thought that the house had put forth the image of a perfect family, something taken out a black and white sitcom. After all, he had successful parents. His mother was a tenured professor of political science and military history at Yale University, his father a former Marine turned commercial airline pilot. He himself was an honor student. To the average citizen it seemed like the Solo family walked out of a Norman Rockwell painting. But Kylo knew the truth.

Kylo knew all too well what it felt like to be trapped under the weight of expectations. He knew the horror of lying awake at night praying for sleep while listening to the sound of screams, thrown objects, and profanities coming from downstairs. He knew the pressure of living up to impossible expectations. He knew the pain of living with temperamental and short fused father who would fly away for days, sometimes weeks, at a time. He knew what it was like to have to rely on an emotionally distant and unavailable mother both as a young child with recurring nightmares and as a young man with longings not just for girls at school, but other boys too. He knew what it was like to stare at his parents’ wedding picture, seeing his baby self being held between them as they kissed his cheeks and knowing that if it wasn’t for his existence, the wedding probably would have never happened, and that his parents would have been happier for it.

Clenching his fists inside his fur lined black leather gloves, Kylo tried to relieve some of the tension he hadn’t been able to shake since he’d climbed in his car and made his way from Manhattan to Connecticut to be here. Currently, he was leaning up against the door of his Porsche Cayman, trying to psych himself up and gather the courage to head inside. His pocket buzzed. Pulling out his phone, he saw a text notification from Hux.

 _< < Don’t forget to smile. _;) >>

Sometimes his boyfriend was an asshole. He also wondered if he may have some sort of psychic ability. The timing of Hux’s texts were often uncanny, as was the case at this particular moment in time. He’d lost track of how long he’d been standing out here, dreading getting even one step closer to the door. His black wool coat was covered in flakes of snow, and by now, even his hood wasn’t keeping his hair dry.

He’d been dreading this visit since the moment his mother had somehow managed to talk him into coming. He hadn’t spent Christmas with his family in over four years, not since he’d come home a year after law school announcing his career plans and making the mistake of bringing Hux along with him. The fight that ensued between him and his father had been large enough for Kylo to consider never speaking to either of his parents again. Yet, his mother, although sometimes distant and demanding, had done nothing to deserve alienation from her only son. As much as he liked to paint himself a paragon of indifference, even Kylo didn’t have the heart to cause her that much pain.

His mother was the the reason why he was home now. Her phone calls to him were sporadic. Sometimes she would call to check in, but most of the time she only reached out to her son if it was a matter of importance. That just happened to be the case regarding the last call that she had made.

Remembering the conversation, he felt a tingling sensation behind his eyes and his hand flexed again. He willed the tears not to fall, but when he closed his eyes to fight the growing wetness, he could hear his mother’s deep voice in his head.

" _This will probably be his last Christmas. Please come home.”_

A lifetime of smoking had finally caught up to Anakin Skywalker. Since Kylo was a child, he could remember Anakin’s emphysema plaguing the old man. It frustrated him how quickly he could become winded and exhausted while trying to keep up with his grandson. Even simple activities like throwing a ball around for too long could leave him struggling for breath with his hands on his knees. Kylo could remember the first time he saw his grandfather have a particularly severe attack. He froze in terror as Anakin began to cough uncontrollably as he struggled for breath. He only moved when his mother came running outside to help her father to the nearest lawn chair.

_“Grandpa just needs to catch his breath, sweetheart. Why don’t you go get him some water? He’s going to be fine.”_

But this time he wasn’t going to be fine. After decades of struggling with COPD, he’d been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. His mother said that he’d been lucky to make it this long, to see both of his grandchildren grow up into young adults. Kylo guessed that was supposed to be a comfort to him, but he didn’t find it particularly comforting at all. His grandfather had been the one member of his family who truly understood him, the one link that he was always proud and happy to have.

Since he was a young boy, he’d always felt a pull to his gruff and surly grandfather. The man was a curmudgeon. The early loss of his wife and his years serving in the Air Force during the Korean War had left him hardened and cynical. He was a self made man, born of working class roots to a single mother in New Mexico. He’d enlisted in the Air Force immediately after graduating high school and returned home to put himself through business school where he met Kylo’s grandmother. They married and she died shortly after while giving birth to his mother and uncle. His grandfather had never quite gotten over her death.

His mother and uncle had always said that Anakin had been a difficult man to please. He was hard on his children, demanding excellence and leaving little room for the flights of fancy that came with childhood. He was rude to their friends as kids and the habit only grew worse as they got older and started bringing home romantic interests. Anakin’s unadulterated hatred for Kylo’s father was one particular aspect of his personality that Kylo always found endlessly amusing and relatable. Anakin had even been boorish to some of Luke’s young and innocent girlfriends if he deemed them too stupid, vapid, or ditzy. Yet, Luke’s late wife was one of the only people to ever receive a truly sincere word of praise from the man. Kylo could remember being a young boy and asking the man what his grandmother was like.

 _“She was a lot like your Aunt Mara,”_ he had said with a wistful look in his eye. _“But much prettier.”_

Aunt Mara had died three years ago. Her funeral was the last big family event that Kylo had attended. He spent most of his time hiding away from his family with Anakin, actively avoiding his father and trying his hardest not to display any emotion. His mother was angry at Anakin the entire time. She cursed him for not being more sympathetic and supportive for his Uncle Luke. The truth was the Anakin was grieving. He loved his daughter-in-law dearly. He was saddened at the loss, angry that his son had to experience the horror of losing the love of his life, and resented that fate had left his teenaged granddaughter motherless. He wore his emotions on his sleeve. He didn’t see the need to cover them up and pretend to be strong or happy in front of guests. Kylo liked that about him. He was free of pretense. He was honest.

He’d barely spoken to his family since, with the exception of the occasional phone call from his mother which he felt obliged to respond to. Now, he was about to break that streak, and it was taking every ounce of self restraint he had not to hop back in his car and drive away. But he had to do this for grandfather. All he needed was two more minutes to collect himself and he would be able to go inside.  Yet, just as that thought ran through his mind a brown blur appeared in the window surrounding the front door, cutting his preparation time short.

 

* * *

 

“Chewie, no!” he yelled, but his words fell on deaf ears. The brown sheep dog’s ears perked up and Kylo could hear his loud bark even from his spot on the street.

“Chewie, hush!” It was too late. His father’s dog had ousted him. Just moments later his mother’s short figure appeared in the window. Kylo watched as she hooked her hand through Chewie’s collar and tried to pull him away, but the dog was too excited. He kept barking, prompting Leia to look outside. Kylo saw her eyes light up when she caught sight of him. With a deep breath he started walking to the door as his mother hurried to open it.

“Ben!” She cheered.  He noticed instantly that her voice was almost choked with emotion, but in true Leia Skywalker-Solo fashion, she swallowed it down. She moved toward him, wrapping her sweater tightly against herself as a shield from the cold and snow.

Kylo shuddered at the name. It was his middle name, but it was what he had always gone by as a child. As he grew older and tried to distance himself from his past he’d started using his first name. It started in his very first collegiate class. He simply didn’t bother to correct the professor when she called out attendance. He realized in that moment that he could create an entirely new identity for himself.  Very few people in his new life called him Ben, most didn’t even know his middle name. Hux was the exception.

“I go by Kylo now, Mother,” he stated as Leia drew closer. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and Kylo let her embrace him without fully returning the gesture.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Leia scolded. “You’ll always be Ben around here. Do you need help with your bags?” she asked, gesturing to the black duffel bag slung across his shoulder.  

Kylo almost laughed. His diminutive mother offering to help him with his luggage was an entertaining thought, but it was just like her.

“I just have this, thanks.”

“Where’s Hux?” Leia asked as they crossed the threshold into the house. Kylo dropped his bag on the hardwood floor in front of the stairs and took a deep breath. “I thought you would bring him.” He scoffed and looked at his mother incredulously.

“You’re joking right?” Memories of the first and last time he’d brought his boyfriend home to meet his family resurfaced. His father’s angry expression. Hateful word tumbling out of both their mouths. Hux’s look of sheer panic and utter discomfort. His mother’s tears. It was not an experience he wanted to relive. It was the experience that had driven the final wedge in his relationship with his father. “So Dad can cast aspersions at us again? I’d rather not subject him to that.”

Leia’s hand was suddenly clenching his forearm. She looked her son in the eye and brought her other hand to his cheek. “He is always welcome here.”

Kylo wanted that to be true. He could see in his mother eyes that she wanted it to be true as well. Ever since his argument with his father, his mother had been trying to explain away his behavior. She insisted that Kylo didn’t understand, that there had been a massive misunderstanding. She begged and pleaded with him to talk to Han, but Kylo didn’t know if he had it in him to open up those wounds ever again. Avoidance was much easier.

“Tell that to your husband.”

“You need to talk to him,” Leia urged yet again. “I know you think that he disapproves of -”

"I don’t want to talk about Dad.”

“He loves you. He wants you to be happy.”

“And he made that abundantly clear the last time I came home,” Kylo stated sarcastically.

“Your father was upset with many of the choices you were making the last time you came home,” Leia stated, her eye contact never wavering. “The sex of your partner was not one of them.”

Perhaps is was his mother’s piercing gaze, or maybe it was the painful dredging up of memories, but in that moment the tingling feeling before came back behind his eyes. In an effort to stop it, he looked up, noting the dust on the chandelier and a faint cobweb on the ceiling. A tense silence fell between them only to be interrupted moments later by another bark from Chewie.

“Chewie!” A voice called from the other room and a rush of blood flew to Kylo’s ears. His heart started pounding and the tingling behind his eyes started growing to unacceptable levels. “Shut up will ya!”

Han Solo’s disembodied voice grew closer to the foyer where Kylo and his mother were still standing. Kylo chewed on his lip and cast his eyes to the stairs. He wasn’t ready to face his father yet, especially not with the memories of their last meeting so fresh in his mind.

“I’ll just go put my stuff upstairs,” he said. He turned quickly and bounded upward. His mother did not even have time to protest. On the way up he passed pictures of himself and his baby cousin lining the walls. With both of them being only children, and his uncle being his mother’s twin, they were closer than average cousins growing up. They were more like siblings. He missed her almost as much as he missed his grandfather.

Once he reached the top of the stairs he turned to the right, following the all too familiar path to his bedroom. He didn’t need ask his mother where he would be staying. He always slept in his childhood room when he returned home. Even after all these years, he knew he would be staying there tonight.

 

* * *

 

As he closed the door behind him and flicked on the overhead light, Kylo suddenly felt as if he had traveled back in time. He felt like Ben again, retreating behind the walls of his bedroom to escape another painful fight between his parents. His room was exactly the same, as if his mother had kept it under lock and key for all these years waiting for his return. He threw his bag on top of the black comforter covering his queen sized bed and sat down. He smiled wistfully at the posters on his wall – Nirvana, The Smiths, Donnie Darko. He really was an angsty little shit when he was young. No wonder he drove his father crazy.

A collection of model airplanes and Legos still took of residence on his shelf, along with mismatched collection of old VHS tapes, DVDs, and CDs. There were a few books still remaining but most of the books he'd been attached to as a child had made the journey with him to his apartment in Manhattan. His old computer was still sitting at his desk, and he wondered if the damn thing would even still power up. It was his Christmas present in 1999. It was already giving him problems when he left for college in 2003, probably  a result of virus contracted from watching too much porn.

Thinking of porn, Kylo walked across the room to the spot right in front of his closet where a loose floor board creaked under his weight. Grabbing his keys from his pocket, he wedged a key between the slats and pried the loose board up. He smiled when his eyes landed on the prize. Three old issues of playboy he’d stolen out of the trunk of his Dad's Mustang when he was thirteen years old. Han never even noticed they were gone. He's probably forgotten he'd even had them in there. Underneath the magazines was a small bag of weed, a half smoked pack of Camels, and a single bottle of Southern Comfort with about two inches of liquid remaining. Kylo smiled. His room really was exactly the same.

In an act of nostalgia (and self preservation) Kylo opened the bottle of Southern Comfort and took a swig. He winced at the taste and wondered how he could ever stand this garbage when he was young. He then shoved the cigarettes and the weed in his pocket, resolving to throw the dried out cigarettes away and flush the drugs down the toilet. Even at thirty years old he didn’t want to face the phone call from his mother if she ever did find the stash.

Forcing himself out of his trip down memory lane, Kylo turned his attention back to the bag on his bed. Opening the zipper, he started pulling out his clothes and hanging them in the closet. He set the presents he’d bought for his family on the desk, and flopped down on the bed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Maybe a fifteen-minute power nap might give him the strength he needed to face his father. Yet, just as he resolved himself to clear his mind his phone started buzzing. His boyfriend’s timing was, once again, right on target. Groaning, he reached down in his pocket and pulled out the device. It was Hux, but it wasn't the text he was expecting.

 _< < Heading to the office. They finally responded to the requests for production. We've got _ _thousands of pages to go through. Told Snoke ur in Connecticut. Expect emails. >> _

Until now, Kylo didn’t realize it was possible for this night to get any worse. This case was quickly becoming the bane of his life. If it didn't end up killing him, it might end up killing his relationship. The amount of stress he and Hux had been living under these past few months was taking its toll. They never got a break from each other. They spent most of their time in the office, and when they got home they rarely had time to unwind. They were at each other's throats over the tiniest things. They hadn't had sex in weeks. Yet, even so, while he was lying on the bed and listening to the vibrating of his phone, Kylo wished that he could reach over and run his fingers through Hux’s red hair. He dreaded the thought of sleeping alone in his old bed tonight. Then, in sudden burst of emotion, Kylo found himself entirely pissed off.

He grabbed his phone and wrote a clipped reply.

_< < Did you remind him that it's Xmas eve? >> _

_< < He worked during Chanukah. >> _

_< < Was that your response or his? I thought you were going to your sister’s??? >> _

_< < One of us has to show. Especially after the shit you pulled last week. >> _

_< < JFC! I didn’t throw that reporter! It slipped out of my hand. Shattering the desk was an accident. How many times are we going to have this argument!? >>_

_< < Until I stop having to clean up after your tantrums. Ur welcome. >> _

That was Hux’s way of ending this particular conversation. He knew better than to reply. He tossed the phone roughly onto the mattress and raked his hands through his hair. Recently, he was beginning to understand why so many people had rules about workplace relationships. He’d been with Hux for four years after meeting at the firm. They were both almost fired when they were found out, but they had somehow managed to convince their bosses that their relationship wouldn’t affect their job. So far, that had been the case. However, he couldn’t say that their job hadn’t affected their relationship.

Of the two of them, Hux was far more career driven to the point where he could become obsessive. He was determined to be made partner by the time he turned thirty. Lately, his way of achieving this goal was to drive his head so far up Leonard Snoke’s ass that he practically disappeared. He was driving himself crazy, taking on loads of work that could easily be delegated to paralegals. He often got angry that Kylo didn't throw himself into the job with the same amount of dogged dedication.

Kylo took his job seriously. He did his work and got results.  He knew how lucky he was to have a position in a reputed corporate firm in New York City. His job had earned him a more than comfortable living, introduced him to the man he loved, afforded him many luxuries, and gained him respect among his peers. Yet, although he hated to admit it, there was a small part of him that still yearned for something more. He had all the money he could need, but no time to use it. He fantasized about surprising Hux with a trip to Paris, Hawaii, or Dubai, but knew in his mind that Hux would hate receiving a gift that could be considered a sentimental frivolity.

The most sentimental fantasy he had as of late involved purchasing a home similar to the one he was in now. That was the fantasy that he hated himself for having the most. It involved a sappy wedding, children, a dog, a place to live in the country away from the maze of Manhattan, jobs that didn’t make them want to kill themselves or each other – or their clients for that matter. It was the white picket fence. It was everything he had grown up hating. It was everything he had vowed to run away from. Yet, part of him wanted it still. And he wanted it with Hux.

Reaching across the bed to his bag, he palmed at the side pocket where he'd placed the box. He hadn't wanted to leave it at home where Hux could find it. He’d bought the silver ring months ago. His phone had buzzed with a notification from one is his favorite news apps, summarizing the newly released verdict on Obergefel v. Hodges.  He happened to be walking past a jewelry store on Fifth Avenue at that exact moment and was suddenly hit with the crushing reality that he needed to spend the rest of his life with Hux.

He surprised himself with the epiphany. Hux was the first long term relationship he'd ever had with a man. Of course there were a few other men in high school and college that he's had some flings with. But until Hux, all the long term relationships he had were with women. Before, when he thought about the possibility of a sappy saccharine future, he'd always pictured settling down with a woman and living a painfully hetero-normative life with kids that had his eyes and her nose. But Hux has changed that picture. Now when he pictured a family he saw two fathers, children who needed a home adopted into theirs, maybe a dog. But none of that mattered. That wasn’t what either of them really wanted. Buying the ring was a moment of foolish weakness. Although he did kind of miss Chewie. Maybe they could still get the dog.

Right then, as if the old dog could hear his thoughts, the door to his bedroom creaked open and a furry mass came bounding inside. Chewie jumped on his bed and settled in right next to him, lying his shaggy head on his chest and letting out a huff. Kylo smirked and scratched the dog behind his ears. He then smiled as Chewie began pawing at him for more attention the moment he moved his hand away.

“I missed you too, buddy,” he whispered, as though he was afraid someone might hear him.

Chewie whined in response, and for a moment Kylo was content. The moment did not last, however, as reality reared its head. A tentative knock sounded on the door, prompting an even more dramatic pounding in Kylo’s heart. After all these years, Kylo knew that when Chewie was near, it meant that his father was not far behind.

Kylo instantly went on the defensive. He sat up on the bed, disturbing Chewie in the process. His father’s grey haired figure stood in the doorway for a few awkward and tense seconds, although it felt more like a lifetime. The first sound uttered between father in son in three years was a gruff clearing of the throat.

“Your mother said you were here,” Han finally uttered. Kylo didn’t quite know how to reply to the…greeting? He wasn’t sure if his father meant it as a statement or a question. Was he trying to start a conversation? Han Solo had never been known for his social graces, and as much as Kylo hated to admit that he’d inherited anything from the man, he wasn’t exactly known for his people skills either.

“Here I am,” he answered, throwing his hands out in the air in a sarcastic flare. Silence once more followed as Han merely nodded and cleared his throat a second time.

“Well… she went to pick up your grandfather. Luke and Rey will be here at 7:00. Dinner is at 8:00.”

“Okay.”

The silence was there again. Kylo observed his father as he attempted to make eye contact but was unable to follow through. His gaze remained on the wall behind Kylo’s bed, just to the right of his eyes. Kylo was tempted to end the silence in an effort to stop the awkward and tense suffering that was clearly affecting both of them at this moment in time, but his pride wouldn’t let him. He refused to be the first one of them to speak about the confrontation that was so obviously at the forefront of both of their minds. If his father had something to say about it, he could be the one to bring it up. Han merely cleared his throat a third time and scratched the crown of his head.

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll see you later then.”

“Okay.”

Han called for Chewie and shut the door behind him as he walked out of the room. Thus marked the end of the interaction. Kylo’s head flopped back on the pillow and he let out an aggravated sigh. He then felt his phone buzz with the first string of emails that he was sure would be coming in all evening.

It was going to be a magical Christmas.

 

* * *

 

 

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again everyone! First of all I want to say thank you to the overwhelming response to the first chapter. To everyone who left kudos and comments, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it, especially since I've been off the writing horse for a while now. I was a bit worried I'd lost my mojo. 
> 
> Secondly, I want to apologize that it's taken this long to post the next chapter. In the interest of full disclosure I work and go to grad school full time, and writing unfortunately has to take a backseat to that stuff first. So updates may be a little slow at times, but I do promise to get them out as quickly as humanly possible. 
> 
> This chapter will feature a bit more Kylo and Hux, so I hope that makes everyone happy. Please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings in the comments, they're very much appreciated as I'm sure every writer knows. 
> 
> Also, last but not least, I just want you guys to know that I am on Tumblr at themillenialfalcon.tumblr.com if you want to give me a follow. You can always check in with me there to see how updates are coming along or to just chat. I also post some small headcanons for this fic 'verse that may or may not actually make it in to the story itself. 
> 
> Anyway, with all that said I hope you enjoy the next chapter. Thanks!!!

* * *

  

It had taken almost an hour for his mother to arrive home with his grandfather. Kylo had stayed barricaded in his room until he heard the opening of the garage door downstairs and a series of barks from Chewie. Even upon their arrival, he didn’t get up to move right away. He considered staying in his bedroom until dinner, but he suddenly heard Hux’s voice in his head telling him not to be rude and outlining a specific set of social protocols that should be followed when one was a guest in another person’s house. Spending all night locked away in a room and only showing your face to eat would probably be frowned upon. Besides, seeing his grandfather was the whole reason he had come.

He groaned as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, partially due to the fact that he was going to have to face his father again, and partially because he did not want to think about what his boyfriend would have to say about the fact that his insufferable nagging had finally worked its way into Kylo’s conscious. The gloating would probably never cease, and it would only give him reason to nag at him more. Upon opening the door to his bedroom, Kylo was immediately greeted by his mother’s angry voice. It was only a matter of time before the yelling began.

“Dad, either sit down or use your tank. You’re going to give yourself an attack!” Kylo heard her yell as he walked down the hall and the stairs to the lower level of the home. Anakin always had a way of bringing out her temper. He and his grandfather had that in common.

“I don’t need that damned tank!” Anakin Skywalker yelled in response.

“I’ve got your chair in the living room warmed up for you in the den, Pop,” Han said, in a clear attempt to diffuse the situation. Kylo rolled his eyes. His father should know by now that his input would only make things worse.

“You think I’m an idiot, Solo?” The old man asked. “You think you can just push me off to the den all night and pretend I’m not here?”

“That’s not what he was suggesting, Dad,” Leia countered. “But you need to take it easy if you don’t want to use the tank.”

“You know, I managed to make it through the war without your nagging. I’ll make it through Christmas Eve just fine.”

“Your lungs worked during the war! And my nagging has saved your life on more than one occasion. But if you’d rather have the nursing staff nag at you on Christmas, I’d be happy to take you back.”

Kylo heard Anakin merely grumble in response to his mother’s bluff. He smiled, wondering what the old man was mumbling under his breath. Probably something about Leia being far too similar to her mother. That seemed to be what he would always say when Leia would shut him down during a bout of particularly surly behavior.

He turned the corner at the stairs and walked through the dining room to make his way to the kitchen. Standing around the kitchen table was his grandfather, his mother, and his father. Han’s hand was resting on the handle of a green oxygen tank on wheels and Anakin reached over to take hold of the clear nose piece that wound its way around his head. Kylo’s heart broke for him in that moment. For a man with so much pride, having to rely on the use of a machine to go about his daily life must have been difficult.

The last time Kylo had seen his grandfather he still did not need to use an oxygen tank. Of course, doctors had been recommending it for years. But the man had remained stubborn, much to the dismay of Leia. He wondered briefly when it was that Anakin had finally been forced to use the tank. His mother had never mentioned it in her calls, but then again they were infrequent and short. Kylo never stayed on the line long enough to really inquire about the family.

When he stepped into the room, his family was far too busy fussing over Anakin to notice his arrival. He cleared his throat and all three heads turned to face him. Forcing an awkward smile, Kylo stepped forward and offered a greeting.

“Hey, Grandpa. How’s it goin’?”

Kylo expected a smile in response. As a child, Anakin had always been so happy to see him. When he would come over to to visit he would always take Kylo out back to throw a ball around or stay inside tinkering with gadgets, Legos, or models. On visits to his grandfather’s house, Kylo had always gone straight to the tool bench in the garage. Anakin would take him around the house showing him how to fix little things here and there. Once Rey got old enough she would tag along as well. To this day Kylo thought of Anakin every time he busted open his tool kit to fix something around the apartment. Hux loved how handy he was. His boyfriend didn’t have a handy bone in his body, but he loved to save money. For every payment Hux didn’t have to make to a repair man, he paid Kylo in his own way. Kylo was always very happy to receive such payments.

But the look on Anakin’s face in this moment was not the look of an old man reminiscing about happy times spent with his young grandson. Instead, the look on his face was blank and passive. Kylo watched his grandfather lock his jaw instead of spreading his mouth into a smile. Something in his gut dropped at that moment.

“Oh.” Anakin said. “You’re here.”

Kylo didn’t know how to respond. His heart was suddenly beating rapidly in his chest and he had to shove his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking. This hadn’t been what he was expecting at all.

“Ben came home to see you this Christmas, Dad.” Leia said, saving him from having to find the words on his own. “It’s been a long time. Aren’t we all _happy_ to have him?”

“Mmm,” Anakin grunted. He then turned on his heel and started walking away. “That seat in the den seems like a great idea after all.”

 

* * *

 

Anakin made his way into the den with Han following behind him to make sure he got there safely. Anakin continued to try and get his son-in-law to stop talking while Han jabbered on about football stats. Leia brought a hand to cover her mouth in contemplation and Ben stood there frozen. She turned to look at Kylo and shrugged, choosing to pretend that Anakin’s cool dismissal of her presence meant nothing at all.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said, brushing Kylo’s shoulder as she walked past him to the counter and opened a bottle of red wine – merlot no doubt. Kylo scoffed and took a seat on a stool at the kitchen island as Leia pulled two glasses down from the cabinet and poured a drink for each of them. “You know your grandfather. There’s no telling what kind of a mood he’ll be in at any given time.”

Kylo didn’t respond. He didn’t want his mother to be party to the thoughts swirling in his brain. He didn’t want her to see what a weak and emotional wreck his grandfather’s casual dismissal had left him in. He didn’t feel like reminding her that he had always been the exception when it came to Anakin’s moods. He simply took a sip of wine.

“Did you get my birthday card?” Leia asked, effectively changing the subject. Kylo swallowed and nodded his head, thinking back to the money stuffed card that had arrived in the mail last month on his 30th birthday. His mother had signed for both herself and his father.

“Yeah,” he responded, as he set his glass down on the granite counter and started absent mindedly started picking at a dried substance, probably cookie dough, that Leia must have missed while cleaning the kitchen. It was barely noticeable amidst the brown flakes in the stone. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Leia answered. “I’m sorry it was kind of… impersonal.”

Kylo knew his mother wasn’t actually apologizing for sending him cash on his 30th birthday. It was her passive aggressive way of guilting him over the fact that he didn’t give her the opportunity to know what he would actually enjoy receiving on his birthday. It was an indictment of his estrangement.

“That’s okay.”

“Thirty is a big deal,” Leia said. “Did you have a nice time?”

Kylo shrugged. “Yeah. We just went out to dinner. Nothing fancy.” He didn’t feel that giving his mother all the details of his birthday celebration with Hux was entirely necessary, especially considering the fact that the brunt of the celebration happened in bed after a couple bottles of shiraz.

“Oh. Well that’s good. A nice meal and a relaxing night in. Those can be the best nights to have.”

A brief silence set over them, and Kylo could tell that she had more that she wanted to say. He was, however, grateful that she decided to hold back. He didn’t want to hurt her by rolling his eyes when she admitted that she wished she could have been there. Thankfully, emotional confessions had never been Leia’s forte.

“So…do you feel old yet?” she asked instead with a teasing smile. Kylo shrugged. The truth was he hadn’t taken his 30th birthday particularly well, but he didn’t want to admit that to his mother. “I know I do. I never thought the day would actually come when I’d be old enough to have a thirty-year-old son.”

At that, Leia began busying herself in the kitchen, popping lids off of simmering pots to check the contents inside. She also popped open the oven to check the meat thermometer and the savory scent of cooking ham filled the air, making Kylo’s mouth water in anticipation.

“You know it’s funny…” Leia started. “Thinking about it makes part of me feel too old. But then I look at you, and you still seem so young to me. It makes it hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that when I was your age, I was married with a five-year-old. Sometimes I think I must have been crazy.”

Kylo had been wondering how long it was going to take for one of his parents to imply that his birth had ruined their lives. It came in record time this year. He looked down at his fingers, still picking at the dried dough and finding that it was pretty much gone. Since he no longer had anything to busy his hands with, he elected to take two large gulps from the wine in front of him.

“Do you ever think about that?” his mother asked while he was in mid-gulp. Kylo’s eyes widened, confused.

“What?” Did she mean to ask him if he ever thought about the fact that his existence had impacted his parent’s life for the worse? That it has kept his mother from running for office? That it had kept his father in Connecticut instead of heading off to Alaska to live his dream of becoming a bush pilot? He thought about it constantly.

“Do you ever think about having a family?” Leia asked, confusing him even further. His heart started pounding and his mind went to the ring safely tucked away in his duffel pocket upstairs. “You’re not getting any younger, you know.” She was teasing now. That only served to Kylo further on edge.

“No!” he almost yelled. His mother’s eyebrows raised at the force of his tone. He could tell by the look on her face that she was already doubting him based on the sheer adamancy of his refusal, as if she fancied herself Queen Gertrude.

“Alright then,” she answered, turning around to stir a pot of steaming green beans on the stove.

“Why would I ever think to have a family?” he asked. Didn’t his mother remember the topic of his huge argument with his father? “I didn’t want to have kids when I was with Megan. Why would I want to have kids now?”

Leia shrugged and placed the lid back on the pot, turning to face him while bracing her hands on the kitchen counter behind her. “That was almost five years ago. You were younger. Now you’re with someone else. Things can change.”

“I… I…” Now he was stammering.

“You and Hux have been together for what, four years now? I was just curious.”

“You just said that you think you were crazy for having a family, and now you want me to have one?”

“I never said that, Ben,” Leia replied, her face scrunching in confusion. “I said that I was young. Honestly, I thought that your selective hearing might go away after puberty.”

Kylo scoffed. “Well I don’t appreciate you pressuring me into something I don’t want.”

“I wasn’t pressuring you into anything, Ben.” Leia replied. Her voice was tired. “I was just asking a question. I just want you to be happy.”

“And having a family is the only way for a person to be happy?”

“I never said that.”

Kylo could tell that his mother wanted the argument to be over. He could tell that she regretted opening up this can of worms and wanted nothing more than to go back to harmless small talk about his birthday or Thanksgiving or how things were going at the office. But Kylo’s mind wouldn’t shut off.

“Even if we did want to have kids, biology isn’t really working in our favor there, in case you forgot how it works.”

The tilt of his mother’s head combined with the rising of a single eyebrow and the crossing of her arms over her chest had tipped Kylo off to the fact that he’d pushed her too far. He’d basically called her an idiot. And if there was one thing Leia Skywalker-Solo did not tolerate it was her intelligence being questioned. She was a brilliant woman.

“Oh I _know_ how it works Kylo Benjamin. You wouldn’t be sitting there talking to me if I didn’t. And if your argument against your ability to have a family in a homosexual relationship hinges purely on the fact that you aren’t able to conceive your own children, I feel like I should maybe call Yale Law and ask for all that tuition money back, because obviously they didn’t do a very good job of teaching you how to debate.”

Kylo bit the inside of his cheek and looked out the window into the backyard. The darkness and the thick snow made it so he couldn’t see beyond a couple of inches, but the sight was better than his mothers angry face. A rage was slowly building up inside of him and he had the urge to fling everything littering the kitchen island across the room. He settled instead for a venomous reply.

“Why the fuck would I want to bring a child into this horrible goddamned family? So we can all make one more person as miserable as everyone else is?”

Leia was silent for a few moments, but mostly unfazed. She took a calming breath, pursed her lips and closed her eyes regaining her composure before answering. When her eyes reopened the were filled with a surprising clarity.

“I know we weren’t the best parents, Ben,” she said. “We’re human. We made a lot of mistakes. And I’m sorry for that. But were we really so terrible that you would dedicate your entire adult life to becoming as far removed from us as possible?” Kylo’s gazed stayed on the window. “Did we beat you? Neglect you? Emotionally abuse you?”

She didn’t receive an answer. Kylo couldn’t bring himself to respond. Rationally, he knew that his upbringing could have been exponentially worse. But he didn’t want to delve into way that he’d felt as a child. He didn’t want to talk to her about how he’d felt utterly alienated from both of them, always like a black sheep, always like he simply didn’t belong.

“Ben?” his mother asked, expected an answer.

“I go by Kylo.”

Leia nodded. “Right,” she said. “The ham has about 45 more minutes to cook before we put the glaze on. I’m going to go check to make sure your grandfather hasn’t murdered your father.” As Leia walked out of the room she placed a loving hand on the top of his head and brushed her nails lightly over his scalp. Kylo’s eyes closed at the feeling and his heart broke. His mother’s constant ability to show him affection even after he deliberately tried to hurt her never ceased to amaze him. He didn’t understand it.

 

* * *

  

He polished off the last of his wine as his mother disappeared into the den and sat there for a few moments, and watching the steam escaping the pots on the stove. Thankfully, he did not have to sit alone with his thoughts long, as he felt his phone start vibrating in his pocket. Pulling the device out of his pocket, a wave of happiness and relief washed over him as he saw Hux’s name appear on the caller ID.

“Hey!” he answered as he made his way to the French door leading to the patio in the back yard. He closed the door behind him, choosing to freeze in the cold and snow rather than let his family be party to his conversation with his boyfriend.

“Hey,” Hux replied. There was a brief silence over the line as both of them wondered if they should bring up the argument they’d had not too long ago over text. Hux cleared his throat. “How’s dinner going?”

“Well…” Kylo started. “I’ve been here barely an hour and I’ve already had an awkward non-conversation with my dad, been greeted by Grandpa like I was a piece of dog shit he stepped in on the sidewalk, and gotten into an argument with my mother. So… great. Things are great.”

“I’m sorry, Ky.”

“I’m just glad you called. I wish I was with you right now,” Kylo admitted. He shoved his free hand into his pocket in an attempt to shield it from the cold. Suddenly, he was regretting stepping outside without a coat.

“Well… You could always leave and come to the office. It’s not like we couldn’t use you.”

“Please do not tell me you called me about work right now,” Kylo asked, rolling his eyes. Work was the last thing he wanted to think about in this moment. And the thought that his boyfriend cared more about the office than his emotional well-being at this point in time was really pissing him off.

“Okay, I won’t tell you.”

“God damn it, Hux!”

“Snoke needs to know where the Carlson deposition is.”

“It’s on my desk!” Kylo spat.

“Your desk…” Hux replied with an equal amount of venom. “Is a pile of glass right now. Remember!?”

Kylo sighed and started rubbing at his brow, his mind trying to piece together what he’d done with all of the documents on his desk when he’d accidently shattered it by throwing that reporter a few days ago.

“It’s in a red folder on my bookshelf by the clock,” he answered.

“Thank you,” Hux replied, his tone clipped. However, he didn’t end the call. He stayed on the line, even though Kylo was too angry and upset to move the conversation forward. “Do you really need me right now?” he asked, reluctantly.

“What?” Kylo asked.

“Because I can probably finish up in an hour or so and head down there…”

“No. No. Don’t… You don’t need to come down here. Just stay at work. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“I don’t mind coming down there…” Hux said, his tone sincere. Kylo let out a humorless laugh.

“You don’t want to come down here.” On the other side of the line, Hux let out an audible sigh. Kylo could picture the way he was probably scratching at the ginger hair right above his temple, as he always did when he was thinking.

“You know I’ve taken you home for Thanksgiving twice now.”

“What?” Kylo asked, genuinely surprised by the turn of the conversation.

“We see my sister and her family almost weekly. Harper calls you ‘Uncle Kylo.’”

Kylo’s mind flashed to an image of Hux’s little niece greeting him the last time they saw her. She ran right into his arms and gave him a big kiss on the cheek before dragging him off to play with her Frozen toys. She’d made him be Prince Hans, even though he insisted that the role was really more suited to Uncle Hux. He did have a soft spot for that little girl. She reminded him of Rey when she was young.

“I thought you liked that,” Kylo said.

“I do like it!” Hux said. “I thought…I want…” Kylo’s heart started thrumming again.

“What?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll stay at work and wake up alone on Christmas morning. I’ll text you if I need anything else. Bye.”

“Hux!” Kylo yelled in response, but his boyfriend had already hung up the phone. In a fit of rage, he almost threw the device into the brick wall, but thankfully had enough sense not to. Instead he took a deep breath and walked back inside, his mind tripping over the strange conversation he’d just had.

Did Hux really want to see his family again? He couldn’t believe after what had happened the last time that he would ever want to be in the same room with his father ever again. Kylo certainly didn’t want to put him in that position. He didn’t want Hux to be hurt. He wanted to protect him. Yet, even now as the thought entered his mind he could picture the little vein in Hux’s temple popping up as he reminded him that he was a grown ass man and he didn’t need his boyfriend to protect him.

Kylo shivered as his body readjusted to the warm temperature. He then ran a hand through his hair to shake out the snow. He then made a direct line right to the liquor on the kitchen counter and grabbed his father’s bottle of Glenlivet, pouring himself a generous glass - neat. He was so beyond merlot at this point of the evening. Yet, drinking the scotch made him miss Hux even more, as it was really more his taste than Kylo’s.

The alcohol burned a trail down his throat and he could almost instantly feel the affect it had on him. It was, as they said, liquid courage. Thankfully, he managed to have time to drink all of it. Because just a few moments later the sound of the front door opening filled his ears, followed by the sound of Chewie losing his mind and sprinting to the foyer.

“Ho ho ho!” A cheerful voice called before greeting Chewie. “Anyone home?” Kylo rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. The rest of the evening until this moment had been mere child’s play. The real discomfort was about to begin.

Luke Skywalker had arrived.

 

* * *

 


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Chapter three is here. Sorry again about the wait. I'm going to try to get them out a little faster. Also, I want to take this moment to say that I've already started writing companion pieces to this. So I have a feeling this universe will expand outside of the bounds of this fic alone. But I do need to get this one finished first. I'm working on it! 
> 
> A couple of notes about this chapter: 
> 
> 1\. I played with the timeline of one of the characters because I thought their presence in the story at this time better suited the narrative that it would have in the past. I don't want to give it away, but I'm sure you'll notice it when it comes. It's minor. 
> 
> 2\. I did a thing with Hux's name. Since we still don't actually know his full name and Kylo always calls him Hux, I thought it was best to simply make Hux his first name and make up a last name instead. It rarely going to actually come into play, but I hope that doesn't bother anyone. I personally love the name I came up with. Haha. 
> 
> Once again, thank you soooo much for your comments and kudos! I really appreciate it. I hope you all enjoy the next chapter.

 

* * *

 

Kylo didn’t move to join the rest of the family in the family room once the commotion began. Chewie was going crazy, barking, jumping, and running around the house at Luke’s arrival. The shaggy dog had always loved his uncle. Han, Leia, and Anakin had also removed themselves from the den, moving the party into the living room around the Christmas tree. Kylo much preferred the sanctuary of the kitchen. He was alone. He was safe. He was within an arms reach of booze. 

Unfortunately, not everyone in he house was on board with his plan to alienate himself from social interaction. Mere moments after his uncle’s arrival in the house had prompted the round of cheerful greetings and small talk, a petite young figure appeared in the kitchen doorway.

Kylo’s breath hitched in his throat. He hadn’t adequately prepared himself for what he would be seeing when this moment finally arrived. He almost didn’t recognize the young woman who now stood in front of him. The last time he’d seen her at his aunt’s funeral, she still carried the face and frame of a girl. Now, only three years later, she stood in front of him the image of a beautiful young woman. Her entire demeanor was informed by the fact that she’d been forced to grow up entirely too fast.

She’d always been a pretty girl, but Kylo had never really taken the time to think about how her pretty face would grow into that of a stunning young woman. He suddenly felt uneasy about her being at college by herself, but then he knew that she was more than capable of handling herself.

Her brown hair was pulled up into one of those loose pony tails that always managed to look both messy and perfectly deliberate at the same time with two curly tendrils falling down from her temples to frame her face. She was dressed in her typical fashion, managing to look both completely comfortable and yet entirely put together in her cream colored sweater dress, tights, and flat brown boots. She wore little makeup, if any at all, but her face still carried a vibrant glow even despite the sad look in her eyes.

Hating to see such a serious look on her face, Kylo smiled at her. The warm smile seemed to be the only invitation that she needed. She started walking toward him, stopping only when her face collided with the wide expanse of his chest. For the first time since he’d walked into his parents’ home, Kylo genuinely smiled. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, almost chuckling at how small she still was. The height difference between the two of them was so vast that he actually had to lean down a bit to rest his chin on the top of her head.

“Hey, Rey Rey,” he breathed. After a few moments, she pulled away from him and turned her head up to look him in the eye. Kylo’s heart plummeted when he saw that her eyes were glistening with tears. Lifting a thumb to her cheek, he wiped away a wet trail that had started making its way down her face. He’d always hated to see her cry, even when she was a tiny baby. 

But Rey’s reaction to his soothing gesture was not what he’d been expecting. In his experience, women usually liked it when he’d wiped their tears away, but Rey’s eyes instantly hardened. Her lip curled. And before he knew what was happening a sharp pain exploded on the left side of his face.

 

* * *

 

“What the _fuck_?!” He sputtered as his hand flew to his cheek. She’d punched him. As he applied pressure to the area where he’d been hit, he felt something wet and sticky coat his fingers. Was she wearing a ring?

“You left me!” Rey spat.

“Am I bleeding?” Kylo removed his fingers from his face and looked at them to try to gauge the extent of the damage. He was going to have to walk into a preliminary hearing in three days looking like he’d been in a street fight.

“My mom died! And you left me! You left me all alone!” Rey cried. Kylo could barely make out a word she was saying as he was still reeling from the fact that someone so small could have such a powerful right hook. 

Apparently, he was not the only person in the house shocked and stunned by the sudden violent commotion in kitchen. Before he could piece together a reply to Rey’s angry outbursts, the rest of the family came charging into the kitchen, Anakin following slowly behind them with a wry smile on his face. 

Luke, seeing his daughter in tears ran over to place a comforting hand on shoulder. She responded by folding into his embrace and burying her face in his shoulder, no doubt trying to hide the fact that she’d been crying from the prying eyes of her family. Similarly, Leia ran to her son upon seeing the blood tricking from the cut on his cheek left by Rey’s jewelry. 

“What on _Earth_ is going on in here?!” She yelled as she pulled a washcloth from under the sink and wet it, applying it to Kylo’s face to clean the wound. “You two are grown adults! Can’t we leave you alone for ten minutes!? Why is Rey crying?!” A flash of red hot rage pooled in Kylo’s chest at the accusatory tone of his mother’s question.

“I’m sorry!” He yelled in response, spit flying from his mouth from the emphasis of the words. “Do you not see that I’m fucking _bleeding_ right now?!” 

“Watch your mouth and sit down!” Leia instructed him as she shoved him on to a stool and applied pressure to the still bleeding cut. “Han, go get the first aid kit.”

“Sure,” Han replied with a nonchalant shrug. “I know where that is.” Leia sent her husband a look that could kill.

“It’s under the bathroom sink. For Christ’s sake,” she said exasperatedly. Kylo could sense that the stress of the night was finally pushing her to her limit. His father’s only response was to walk to the bathroom, squeezing his mother’s bicep as he passed.

“What happened?” she demanded again after Han had left the room.

“She punched me!”

What followed was a simultaneous reaction from everyone in the room. His mother let out an interrogatory exclamation of surprise and confusion. Luke scolded his daughter with a firm use of her name. And Anakin letting out an amused laugh.

“That’s my girl!” Anakin praised, walking over to his only granddaughter and pressing a kiss to the crown of her head that was still hidden in Luke’s shoulder. Feeling once again betrayed by the old man, Kylo turned to him, tilting his head in question at his reaction.

“Hold still.” Leia reprimanded jerking his face back toward her so she could continue to clean the cut.

“Dad!” Luke said, clearly as upset with Kylo at the praise.

“What?” Anakin asked. He still had a beaming smile on his face. “Just like I taught her. 

“Dad!” This time it was Leia scolding her father. She sent him an accusatory look and her teeth were bared. Kylo knew this Leia. It wasn’t a good Leia. “Are you telling me that you _told_ Rey to punch my son in the face!? 

“What?” Anakin asked, moving to take a seat next to Ben on another stool. He struggled for a moment, but everyone was too pissed off to pull the seat out for him. “Of course not! I didn’t tell her to punch _Ben_! I just gave her a few tips when she went off to school. A young girl in engineering alone with all those boys. She needs to learn how to defend herself.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Leia grumbled. “There are plenty of girls in engineering.”

“So _not_ the issue here!” Ben reminded. “My face is bleeding! I’m a lawyer. A damned good one. I should charge you with assault and battery.” Leia rolled her eyes. At this point, Han returned, carrying a small first aid kit in his hands. He placed it on the counter next to his wife.

“Stop being dramatic,” he said.

“Rey,” Luke said. He placed his hands on her arms and pulled her gently from her sanctuary in his arms. She’d stopped crying, but it was clear that she’d regretted what she’d done. “What possessed you to hit your cousin?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I just haven’t seen him since Mom died. And I got so angry. I just… I’m sorry,”  

Kylo didn’t respond, but the truth was that he couldn’t stay mad at her. He simply nodded, and a few moments later Rey excused herself from the kitchen. She walked passed everyone and made her way down the hall leading to the stairs. With her absence, a tense silence fell over the room. Luke started twitching and his feet were inching in the direction that his daughter had left. Clearly, though, he didn’t want to leave the kitchen without making sure Kylo was alright. Leia sensed this right away. Kylo’s mother and uncle seemed to always know what the other was thinking. It must be a twin thing. Hux and his sister were the same way.

“Go on. Talk to her,” Leia instructed. “We’re all fine here.” She twitched her head in the direction of the stairs. Luke gave her a sheepish smile as he passed. Kylo looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with Luke just yet. However, when he felt a strong grip on his shoulder he looked up and met his uncle’s gaze.

“It’s good to see you, Ben,” Luke stated, not breaking eye contact with him. To say that Kylo was stunned by the utterance was an understatement. “I’m sure we’ll talk later.”

At Luke’s departure, Leia turned her attention back to Kylo. She pulled the washcloth away from his face, noting that the bleeding at stopped and opened up the first aid kit. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Anakin said to his grandson dismissively. “It’s not too bad. Plus the ladies like a nice facial scar. Trust me.” He tapped his eyebrow where a thin white scar crossed the expanse of his eye down to the top of his cheekbone. He’d had the scar as long as Kylo could remember.

Kylo rolled his eyes. Vanity was the least of his concern at the moment, especially considering that he wasn’t on the market looking for any ladies at this present stage in his life. He was in a stable monogamous relationship already – with a man nonetheless, a detail that it seemed his grandfather had forgotten, or perhaps had never been informed of in the first place. Although, if he were honest his grandfather was on to something. Hux would probably find it very sexy. He should just neglect to inform him how exactly he got it.

Just as Kylo was about to retort with a snide remark, Anakin suddenly heaved forward in his stool, coughing and struggling for breath.

“Dad!” Leia exclaimed, her attention instantly switching from Kylo to her father. 

“I’m fine!” Anakin said between breaths. He tried to wave Leia away, but she remained at his side. Running a hand along his back until the attack seased. Han and Kylo both merely watched in uncomfortable silence until Anakin was able to get his breathing under his own control. Once he stopped coughing, Anakin sat for a few moments taking deep calming breaths.

“Are you okay, Grandpa?”

“Take me back to the living room!” Anakin interrupted harshly. Clearly, he was upset at being caught in a moment of weakness and wanted to remove himself from the precarious situation as quickly as possible. He stood up, almost faltering as he gained his footing. Leia caught him and looked to Han. Han merely nodded at her.

“You go. I’ll take care of this.” Han gestured to the first aid kit still sitting on the counter. Leia smiled appreciatively and walked her father out of the kitchen and back to the comfortable arm chair in the living room. Suddenly, Kylo was once again alone with his father.

 

* * *

 

Han cleared his throat. Neither of them knew how to start talking so instead an uneasy silence surrounded them as Han awkwardly fumbled with the small white box. Kylo didn’t meet his eyes, instead focusing on the items that his father was rummaging through. The first thought that crossed his mind was that the first aid kit looked as though it had been sitting under his parents’ bathroom sink for twenty years. He’d hoped they’d refreshed the supplies since he was a child. Han pulled out an alcohol wipe and tore the package, applying the stinging cloth to his son’s face.

“He’s right you know,” Han started. “It’s not so bad. Pretty clean slice.”

“Great,” Kylo replied, sarcastically. Han cleared his throat again and moved back to the first aid kit. This time he took out two small butterfly bandages.

“It’s been a while since I’ve done this,” he said with a forced laugh. “I used to do it all the time when you were a kid, though. You were so accident prone.”

Kylo rolled his eyes. He wasn’t accident prone. He was prone to bouts of temper and fist fights with other children. The majority of his injuries were followed by a detention or a suspension, and he knew that his father was well aware of this fact. The one time he had been involved in an actual accident that left him injured he’d gone over the handrails of his bike. His father hadn’t treated that one. It took a doctor to bind his arm and stitch up his leg 

“The last time I had to clean up your face must have been when you were what? Fif - ”

“Sixteen,” Kylo interrupted. He remembered well.

“Sixteen. Right. After that fight with that kid. What was his name?”

“Ryan Schlanksy.”

“Right! Ryan Schlansky. Your nose healed up nicely though,”

Kylo scoffed. His nose hadn’t healed up nicely. That fight had left him with a permanent scar on his face. His already large nose was now crooked and swollen at the bridge. As a young man it had left him even more uncomfortable in his own skin. It still affected him now if he was honest with himself. Every time he looked at himself in the mirror he was presented with a painful reminder of an incident that he would like to purge from his memory forever. 

Han was laughing. His father seemed amused at the memory. Kylo was not. But then again, to his father the memory probably seemed like nothing more than a fit of adolescence, a stupid petty fight over a girl or the result of raging teenaged testosterone. To Kylo it was something else entirely.

“You know...” Han said, his voice slightly marked with trepidation. “You never told me what…well…what exactly that whole ordeal was about.”

Kylo suppressed a groan. Fourteen years had passed and yet Han Solo was still trying to get to the bottom of the Ryan Schlansky incident. He was almost angry. The topic was not something that he’d ever appreciated being brought up. Countless fights between he and his parents during his youth regarding the incident were a testament to that. Yet, as an adult he couldn’t blame his father for wanting to know. After all, the man had probably pinned that incident as the time when Kylo had truly started pulling away from his family.

He wasn’t entirely wrong. He’d be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that the fight he’d been in as a sophomore in high school wasn’t extremely influential on him as a young man. But it was only one of many experiences of his adolescence that would leave him wanting to distance himself from his past and create a new identify for himself. 

His father probably didn’t expect a response. He’d asked the question more times than one could count and never received a response. As a teen Kylo’s response to the inquiry was always to storm off to his room and slam the door. As a young adult, he merely tried to change the conversation or brush it off. Kylo didn’t know what was suddenly different now. Perhaps it was that he had finally found a sense of confidence and security in who he was. Perhaps it was that he simply didn’t care what his parents had to say about it anymore. But in that moment he finally decided to tell his father just why he’d removed a tooth from Ryan Schlansky’s mouth with his fist when he was sixteen years old.

“He called me a faggot.”

Kylo looked into his father’s eyes and didn’t break contact. The hands that Han had been using to open the bandages slowly dropped to his sides and his father’s mouth opened and closed like that of a goldfish, trying to think of a response. The lack of a verbal response from him didn’t really bother him much, but it was the look of sadness in his father’s eyes that made him uncomfortable. He didn’t want the man pitying him.

“I mean…” Kylo started, shaking his head and instantly regretting telling his father. “Looking back it seems stupid. It was just the first time. I guess. So I overreacted. Now, I mean… if I had a dollar for every time someone called me a faggot I could quit practicing law.” He ended the statement with a forced laugh, but Han wasn’t laughing along. 

"I thought you were uh....you know..."

"Bisexual," Kylo answered for him, annoyed at the fact that his father couldn't even say the word. "I am. But you know I find that the people who tend to throw that word around don't really want to sit down and discuss the more fluid nature of my sexuality." 

Han cleared his throat for the third time, prompting Kylo to wonder if his father might actually be allergic to his presence.  The older man leaned forward and placed the two butterfly bandages over Kylo’s cheek. He then tapped his fist on the counter twice and rubbed his chin. He was trying to say something, but couldn’t find the words.

“Ben, I…” He ran a hand through his hair. “I know after what happened the last time we talked that you - That I - That is to say….” He cleared his throat a fourth time. “Look. Things got heated. And I know you think that I disapprove of - Or that I’m not… What I’m trying to say is, I don’t - It’s okay that you – Or that is, I’m fine with -  ”

“Excuse me, gentlemen,” A loud voice boomed, interrupting what was clearly a very difficult sentence for Han Solo. Luke was standing back in the doorway, his hands on Rey’s shoulders. The young woman still looked a bit distraught but was holding her head high after the conversation she’d had with her father upstairs. Kylo wished he could feel the same after the conversation he’d just had with his father. But Han’s incoherent and incomplete ramblings left him feeling as distant and uncomfortable as ever. “I have a young lady here who would like to say something.”

 

* * *

 

Han rubbed his chin again and Kylo couldn’t exactly tell if his was happy or upset at the fact that Rey had interrupted whatever he was trying to say. His uncle shot his father a look from the doorway and gestured to the living room, signaling Han to follow him and leave Kylo and Rey alone. Once the older men were out of the room, his cousin took a step toward him. She at least had the sense to look remorseful.

“That looks bad,” she said, taking in the now bandaged cut on his face. Kylo laughed a genuine laugh and ran his fingers through his hair, cringing when he realized that his father had done the same exact thing not moments ago during their awkward conversation. It always bothered him when he noticed the stupid little habits he’d picked up from his parents.

“Well… at least someone’s telling me the truth,” he said. Rey bit her lip and nodded.

“I’m really sorry I punched you.”

It was clear that Rey was telling the truth. There was a slight flush to her cheeks. She seemed embarrassed and remorseful over the action. Previously, he’d been toying with the idea of letting her drown in guilt all evening, but hearing her genuine apology changed his mind. After all, with his history he was hardly in a position to judge someone too unfairly for an ill-advised punch, even if he hadn’t lifted a hand in violence since he was sixteen years old.

Rey was wringing her hands together and her gaze was aimed at the floor. Kylo reached out and took her hand in his, prompting her to meet his eyes. He smiled at her.

“I’m sorry I left you alone.”

He squeezed her hand and Rey smiled up at him. He then stood up from the stool and tugged on her arm, pulling her closer to him.

“Now, I do believe that you interrupted a perfectly nice hug I was having with my baby cousin when you decided to punch me in the face.” Rey laughed and fell into his embrace, and for the first time since Kylo had walked into the door, he finally felt like he was happy to be there.

“I missed you,” Rey said.

“I missed you too, Rey Rey." 

“It’s been hard without you. It’s been sad. And boring. Last Christmas we just watched Vacation and Uncle Han got so drunk he passed out on the couch at 9:30. Dad and I went home.”

“Classic Han Solo,” Ben grumbled. But even as he said this, he couldn’t help but worry. The truth was that Han wouldn’t get that drunk unless he was truly upset about something and didn’t want to deal with his emotions. He was beginning to wonder If maybe his absence on Christmas for the last few years was having a more profound impact on his parents than he had realized.

“Well, forget about all that,” Kylo said, pulling away from the hug and smiling at her. “I’m here now and so far this Christmas has been anything but boring.” Rey laughed again, and Kylo’s phone started buzzing. 

“Shit,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Work. Sorry.” Rey looked a bit disappointed as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

There was a sudden rapid fire of emails coming in, accompanied by some texts from Jane Phasma. He groaned. Usually if there was something important enough to warrant a personal text, Hux was the one sending them. This wasn’t a good sign. He made a few perfunctory replies and then looked back up to his cousin. She was standing there with a raised eyebrow, judging him, and he actually had the nerve to feel a little ashamed. 

“You’re working on Christmas Eve?” she asked. Kylo rubbed his eyes. 

“It’s a big case. The office is kind of… a mad house.” Rey nodded.

“Your firm is representing Sheev Palpatine.” Kylo looked up sharply at her. He hadn’t expected her to know anything about that. Rey shrugged. “It’s kind of all over the news. Plus Dad knows the prosecutor. Used to work with her. He says you’re in for a rumble.”

Kylo nodded and rubbed his eyes. His uncle was, as always, right on target when it came to the world of New York Law. The truth was that they’d already been through the rumble. It had evolved into more of a full scale war. He should have realized they would all know. It did tend to be a pretty huge story when a New York State senator was charged with homicide. They’d probably seen him on television following the preliminary hearing, trailing behind Snoke and Hux. He’d wondered if they’d all seen Hux’s interview with MSNBC. He wondered if they’d all seen more of his boyfriend on television playing attorney than they’d actually seen of him in real life.

“Yeah…” Kylo answered. “I’m sorry, Rey. I’ve got to make a call. But I’ll see you in bit, okay?”

Rey sighed and walked into the living room, leaving Kylo alone again in the kitchen. He poured himself another glass of scotch and walked into the den which was now unoccupied. Pulling out his phone again, he went to his favorite contacts, pressing his fingers over Hux’s number. The phone rang stopping only when it reached a voicemail. 

_“You’ve reached Huxley O’Brien, attorney at law. I’m sorry I can’t make it to the phone right now. Please leave a message with your name and number and I will return this call as soon as possible. Thank you.”_

Kylo rolled his eyes. Even on his personal voicemail Hux still managed to sound more like an office drone than an actual human being. He should steal his phone one day and change it. It was piss him off, but it would be cute.

The beep sounded.

“Since you’re not picking up and I’ve just gotten three texts from Phasma, I’m going to assume that you’re not talking to me. That’s fine. Normally, I’d just leave you to stew. But seeing as it’s Christmas or whatever I guess that wouldn’t be a great idea. So… Listen I don’t - I guess I didn’t realize what it might seem like to you when I act all weird about you coming to visit my family. I just… You need to know that I’m not ashamed of you. I could never be ashamed of you. I’m ashamed of them. I’m ashamed of the way my Dad treated us when we came home the last time.  I didn’t want you to have to sit through that again. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I never wanted... I never thought that you’d feel that way. I’m sorry,” Kylo took a deep breath. “I can’t wait to see you. I’ll be home first thing tomorrow morning, and we’ll make – or well – I’ll watch while you make our Christmas pancakes. I promise. Okay, well… That’s all I had to say. Don’t work too hard. Text me when you get home from the office. I love you, baby.”  

Hanging up the phone, Kylo suddenly felt slightly better about the evening. He managed to gain the courage to join his family in the living room. He sat on the couch next to Rey and his mother sent him a radiant smile. Anakin and Han were swapping war stories that they’d all heard about fifty times, and he rolled his eyes. But if he were truthful, he was going to listen with bated breath to everything his grandfather had to say tonight, even if the man still seemed slightly put off with him about something. 

He felt his pocket buzz once more and pulled out his phone, ignoring the sharp look from his mother. He’d been expecting another text from Phasma or email. But his face broke out into a grin when he saw the message from Hux.

_< <I’m sorry for hanging up on you. I love you too.>> _

He started typing a response but was interrupted by another message coming in directly afterward.

_< <I’ll show you just how much tomorrow morning.>>_

Kylo nearly dropped the phone at the sight of the very provocative photo that his boyfriend had attached to the text. He’d obviously slipped behind closed doors in the privacy of his office to snap that one. At least he hoped so. He prayed that Rey hadn’t managed to see the image over his shoulder. He was hardly upset that Hux had sent it, however. It was the most intimate behavior his boyfriend had displayed in weeks.

“Ben,” his mother scolded. “It’s Christmas. Put your phone away.” 

“Sorry,” he croaked. “Work.”

Kylo put his phone back into his pocket and leaned back into the couch. Rey smirked at him and he began to wonder if she did know after all. His face flushed, and suddenly he found himself even more impatient to get home.

 

* * *

 


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off let me just say I AM SO SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS TOOK. First I had to get through finals for one of my classes, then I started a new job, and I've just been so scattered. Hopefully, this will be the longest wait between chapters. Thank you SO MUCH for sticking with me. 
> 
> Secondly, this chapter is a bit intense. The circumstances surrounding Kylo's estrangement from his family are starting to become more clear. Honestly, the more I reveal the more I want to write a prequel. So that might happen... We shall see. 
> 
> Thirdly, before reading this I want to state a few things about Anakin's character. It's important to remember that he's not exactly a nice person. But he's not an evil person either. He's blunt, uneducated, and from a certain generation that is not entirely PC. That doesn't mean that he's entirely bigoted...He just says the wrong things out of ignorance. 
> 
> With all that being said... I hope you enjoy! Thanks again!

* * *

 

Ever since Kylo was a child, he had been labeled ‘the quiet one.’ At family events, social gatherings, even at school, his relatives, family friends, and teachers always said that he was quiet. As he grew older, the term ‘quiet’ started shifting to ‘broody.’ This perceived character trait was only exacerbated by the fact that he was prone to bouts of anger and aggression in school and at home. He was often dubbed shy and reclusive, which wasn’t exactly true. He was never afraid to talk to people, he just simply didn’t want to.

But the labels had stuck. Even as a grown man his family still expected him to be quiet. So it was common during times like these that he was never really able to get a word in edgewise.  After about fifteen minutes from the time he sat down on the couch in the living room, he’d attempted to join the conversation about five times. Every time he opened his mouth to speak someone piped up before him. He’d since given up and turned to drinking and starting at his phone instead.

He’d just finished up another glass of scotch moments ago, and he was starting to feel a light tingling sensation in his cheeks. He was just tipsy enough to not care about the death stares his mother was sending his way as he scrolled through various apps on his phone. He’d responded to so many work emails at this point he was beginning to wonder why he didn’t just leave and head into the office after all. His desire to be there instead of here was magnified every time he opened up his text messages and got another glimpse of the picture his boyfriend had sent him.

Every time he went back to look at the pic, he began to become more convinced that Hux must be drinking in the office. He knew for a fact that he kept a bottle of Balvenie hidden in his bottom desk drawer for nights just like this. His secret stash of Balvenie was responsible for their very first time together. It had been when they’d first started at the firm. They’d been the only two people at the office and they were up to their ears in bitch work until the wee hours of the morning. He and Megan had gotten into a massive fight which had involved her throwing a Bluetooth speaker at his head and screaming at him to not come home. He didn’t. He’d spent the night fucking Hux over his desk instead.

He’d like to be doing that now, even as he cringed slightly at the memory. The beginning of his and Hux’s relationship was anything but smooth. But, fuck, the sex was good. It was still good. When they had the time…

Kylo looked down at his phone screen, his mouth watering. If this is what was waiting for him when he returned home tomorrow for Christmas morning, this night could not end fast enough. They hadn’t even eaten dinner yet.

“Ben!”

Kylo jumped. His blood rushed to his face as he snapped his head to meet his mother’s gaze. She was looking at him quizzically, her head tilted to the side and her right eyebrow raised. His heart thumped as he irrationally wondered if she had somehow managed to know what he was looking at and thinking about. In his surprise, he almost dropped his phone as he clamored to hide the picture. Rey was shooting him a smartass grin from her side of the couch.

“What?” He sputtered. Leia’s eyes only narrowed further.

“We’re having a conversation. I thought you might like to join us,” she said. Kylo cleared his throat and sat back in his seat, willing the redness from his face to disappear. “I asked you what you did for Thanksgiving this year.”

“Oh,” Kylo answered. He hadn’t heard his mother address the question to him at all. In fact, he hadn’t even registered the topic of the conversation going on around him. “Um…we went to Chicago.”

“Chicago?”

“Yeah,” Kylo confirmed. “Hux is from Chicago. His parents live there.”

“Oh…” Leia said, something amiss in her tone. “That’s nice.”

Kylo scoffed. His experience in Chicago had been anything but nice. It was a hellscape full of tension, passive aggression, casual racism, and to top it off colossal bursts of Arctic temperature winds blowing off of Lake Michigan that were strong enough to send even a man of his significant stature flying through the air. Kylo hated Chicago. He hated everything about going there. He perhaps even hated seeing Hux’s family more than he hated seeing his own. Luckily, the feeling was mutual.

Hux rarely talked about his parents. They’d known each other for over three years and been together for two before he’d even casually mentioned the possibility of bringing Kylo home to meet them. He and his sister had both run from Chicago at their first opportunity and never turned back. He could hardly blame them.

Hux’s family were the most uptight people he’d ever met in his life. It astonished him that either one of his parents had ever been base enough to conceive children. He was certain that it must have happened with all lights off, clothes on, and under blankets like some sort of Victorian nightmare. Also, considering Hux and his sister were twins, it must have only happened once.

They were very Catholic, very conservative, and very judgmental – although they never held themselves to the same rigid standards to which they held everyone else. Hux’s parents had divorced when he was nine, yet at the same time bemoaned the deterioration of the sanctity of marriage. They also showed no apparent aversion to the fact that their only son was a homosexual, but at the same time they supported any cause, corporation, or politician who stood in the way of LGBT rights. Hux was different. Or at least that’s how they would explain the rational behind their positions. It never made much sense to Kylo.

Hux’s father was a practicing attorney, as was his grandfather, his great-grandfather, and his great-great-grandfather. It was that kind of family. Hux, however, was the first of his family to attend an Ivy League university. Those before him had all attended great schools, but mostly smaller baby Ivies scattered throughout the Midwest. His father had graduated from Washington University St. Louis, his grandfather from Notre Dame. But Hux was the first to go to Harvard. He’d thought this would be enough to adequately impress his family, but in reality it only served to make them scrutinize him further. Kylo was of the opinion that Hux’s father resented this fact.

Hux’s father had also remarried. Twice. His first attempt at remarriage was with another woman as equally stuffy and buttoned up as himself and Hux’s mother. On his second attempt, however, he’d taken a complete turn in a different direction. His current wife was only five years their senior and had the largest pair of lips Kylo had ever seen on a human person with breasts to match. He’d spent a good portion of their meal discretely investigating her cleavage from across the table, trying to decipher if they were real or not. Ultimately, Kylo had determined that the breasts were most certainly fake. Upon further review, Hux’s brother-in-law, Michael, affirmed.

At the same time, Hux spent the majority of his Thanksgiving meal answering pointed questions from his father as if he were sitting through a job interview. About halfway through the meal, he’d even reached up to loosen his necktie – a move Kylo had only seen him do three times in their entire relationship. He never displayed outward signs of weakness or discomfort unless the situation was dire. The first time Kylo had seen it was in court during a particularly painful cross examination. The second was during a meeting with Snoke when it had finally been revealed to the entire office that they were sleeping together. Every time it happened, Kylo felt an overwhelming surge of protectiveness and a throbbing need to punch whoever was causing his boyfriend such discomfort square in the face. Hux was the rock of their relationship. Kylo didn’t like it when people tried to take away his sense of control. He knew it humiliated him.

Hux’s mother, on the other hand, had never remarried. She also did not work. She lived primarily on a hefty inheritance combined with alimony from her ex-husband. However, her lack of work never stopped her from paying absolutely no attention to the lives of her children. Hux and his sister had been raised primarily by a team of nannies and maids that entered and left his mother’s employ as quickly as sand through a strainer. Although, she still had plenty of parenting advice ready to hand out to Hux’s sister, particularly in regard to getting Parker enrolled in the “right” pre-school. Kylo had a hard time wrapping his head around paying college tuition prices for a three-year-old to learn how to sing the alphabet song. His vocalization of such an opinion hadn’t worked to endear him to the family.

In short, Kylo did not like the O’Brien family. He liked Hux’s sister, but his tolerance of them ended with her. The only consolation that Kylo had was that Hux’s parents seemed entirely indifferent to him and his presence in their lives. If he had sensed any animosity from them Thanksgivings would even even more unbearable. As it was now, he just sat there and tried to stay as quiet as possible until they could get back to their hotel room where he’d essentially have to give Hux a therapy session. Although the endings to his therapy sessions were far more fun than those of a professional.

“Is his family nice?” Leia continued.

“No,” Kylo said with a scoff before taking another sip of his drink. “They’re insufferable.”

Leia looked slightly pleased at this. Kylo rolled his eyes. His mother could be weirdly competitive about the strangest things. He decided not to rub her face in the fact that although Hux’s family was insufferable, at least Hux felt comfortable bringing him home to see them. She wasn’t quite winning in that area.

“Who is Hux?” Anakin asked. All eyes turned to the old man as a tense discomfort settled over the room. Leia looked down at her feet. Han became entranced with the label on his beer. Luke and Rey’s eyes shifted around as if thinking that it wasn’t their place to chime in on this matter and were waiting to see who would say the words out loud. Kylo rolled his eyes.

“Hux is my boyfriend, Grandpa.”

“ _Boy_ friend?!” Anakin asked. “I thought you were seeing that Antilles girl! Margaret!” Kylo watched with a glare as his father scoffed and chugged the remainder of his beer. He stood up and left, walking toward the kitchen.

“Megan,” Kylo corrected. “And we broke up almost five years ago, Grandpa.”

“Well no one told me!” Anakin said, sitting forward and shooting Leia a look. “So what…you’re a homo now?”

“Grandpa!” Rey screeched. Leia and Luke both pinched the bridges of their noses and leaned back in their chairs. The sound of clanking glass came from the kitchen as Han violently threw his beer in the recycling. Kylo, however, merely laughed.

“What!?” Anakin yelled.

“Dad, please don’t use that term. It’s insensitive,” Luke said calmly. Anakin looked around, confused, as if he didn’t fully understand what he’d done wrong.

“And inaccurate. I’m not gay, Grandpa. I’m bisexual.”

“But you’re fucking a man?” Anakin asked.

“Dad!” This time it was Leia who screeched. “Ben, don’t answer that! Rey, cover your ears!”

“I’m twenty years old…” Rey said meekly from the couch. Luke’s fingers hadn’t moved from the bridge of his nose.

“Yes, Grandpa,” Kylo answered, ignoring his mother’s discomfort. “I’m _fucking_ a man.”

“Sounds gay to me.”

“Whatever you say, Grandpa,” Kylo said, too tired to try to argue with him. He knew his grandfather didn’t mean to belittle him. In truth, he was kind of amused by the old man’s unfiltered comments. It was better than dealing with his parents constantly walking on eggshells when it came to talking about his relationship with Hux. 

“How long has this been going on?” Anakin asked.

“I’ve been with Hux for a little over four years.” Han had walked back into the living room at this point. He flopped back into his chair and wrapped his lips around a brand new bottle of Budweiser.

“No!” Anakin said, sounding impatient and waving his hand in the air. “I mean since when aren’t you into girls?”

“I _am_ into girls, Grandpa.”

“I don’t understand.” Kylo rubbed his eyes in frustration. “Then why did you break up with Margaret?”

“That’s a _great_ question, Pop,” Han chimed from his chair.

“Han,” Leia warned.

“Her name is _Megan_. And I broke up with her because we weren’t happy.” Han laughed sardonically. Kylo turned to his father and gave him a look that could kill, thinking very seriously about jumping across the room and running him through with the stupid antique sword hanging above the fireplace.

“Well where is this Hux person?! It’s been four years! Why haven’t I been told about him?! Why haven’t I met him?! Is he too good to come meet his boyfriend’s family on Christmas?!”

“Dad,” Leia said pleadingly. “Why are you yelling? Please calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down! God damn it!” Rey jumped up in the air at the sound of Anakin’s fist slamming down on the end table. Chewie hopped up from his comfortable spot right next to Han’s feet and started barking incessantly. Anakin continued, ignoring the loud barks from the dog and pointing his finger at Kylo’s face.

“He waltzes in here after three god damned years! Hasn’t bothered to tell his family what he’s doing with this life. Hasn’t bothered to tell me that he has a new boyfriend! Hasn’t bothered to see his own _mother_! How am I supposed to know anything about him?! I don’t even know who he is!”

“Dad…”

“Do you have any idea how lucky you are?!” Anakin was addressing him directly now. Kylo felt small and scared under his gaze. His breath hitched in his throat. He’d seen his grandfather scream at people more times than he could count. But he’d never been on the receiving end. His hands were shaking.

“Your mother loves you more than life itself! Your parents would do anything for you! They’re here. They’re alive. They would kill for you. You have an uncle! You have a cousin! You’re young, smart, successful. You have everything. Are you so desperate to be miserable that you would throw all that away?!”

“Dad…” Leia’s voice was meek, almost drowned out over the sound of Chewie’s barks and Anakin’s exclamations.

“Is that what you want? To live a lonely dismal existence, cut off from everyone? To alienate the people who have loved you unconditionally from the moment you were born? To have no one to rely on but yourself? Do you think it makes you superior? Do you think its romantic? It’s not.”

“Alright, Pop. Let’s- ”

“It’s miserable,” Anakin said. “You’ll end up miserable. And no one in this room will be there to pull you out of the abyss you created for yourself. You’ll be left to do that all alone. Maybe, if you’re lucky, you won’t also have two kids to raise by yourself while you do it!”

 The air that settled in the room was so heavy it almost felt as though the walls were caving in around them. No one dared to say a word, save for Chewie who was still letting out a sporadic bark or growl. Rey was picking at her finger nails. His mother was starting out the window, unblinking. Luke was watching her. His father was still transfixed on his beer label.

“Excuse me,” Kylo stood up and left the room. No one called after him.

 

* * *

 

Once the door was closed behind him, Kylo rubbed his hands together and placed them over his mouth and nose, trying to warm himself up from the sudden shock of cold. Once again, he was outside without a coat. But if he was honest with himself, he kind of liked the feeling. The prickling needles of the freezing air on his skin were a welcome distraction from the anger coursing through his veins.

Even the alcohol wasn’t working to calm him down at this point. It was as if his grandfather’s words had completely sobered him. He was still trembling and the temperature only added to the intensity of the shudders that were wracking his body. He needed to calm down. He needed something right now.

Shoving his hands into his pocket, he pulled out a carton of fresh cigarettes and a lighter. The white stick vibrated in his fingers as he brought it to his mouth, and it took him a particularly long time to successfully light the tip of the damn thing. Yet, as soon as he inhaled a long smooth drag his whole body seemed to calm, the nicotine working to ease the anxiety and the tension that was tearing him apart. So much for getting a jump start on his New Year’s resolution to quit.

He closed his eyes, tightly. Anakin’s words were still spinning through his head, torturing him and pissing him off. He didn’t know anything about the circumstances surrounding his estrangement from his parents, and he had no right to humiliate him in front of an entire room full of people as if he were an authority on the matter.

Kylo wasn’t pushing his family away. They pushed him away. His father had all but pushed him out the door when he’d brought Hux home to meet them. His mother had just sat there and done nothing about it. And it wasn’t like Kylo _never_ spoke to Leia. He usually called her back if she reached out to him. It wasn’t often, but it was something. He took another drag from his cigarette and watched the smoke billow through the air as he released his breath.

The implication that Kylo was to blame for his estrangement from his family wasn’t even the most insulting of his grandfather’s accusations. It was the idea that he would die miserable and alone just because he wasn’t close to his family.

Kylo was far from alone. He had friends. They were mostly coworkers and colleagues, but they were friends in a way. They spent too much time together not to have some personal effect on each others lives. He had a mentor of sorts in Leonard Snoke. The old man had taken both he and Hux under his wing and nurtured their careers. He didn’t even fire them after the office found out they were sleeping together.

He had Hux.

He wasn’t alone. His relationship with Hux was the only thing he needed right now. In fact, he had never felt less alone in his entire life. Growing up, he always felt distant from his family. He never really seemed to fit in with his peer groups, despite having a couple of close friends. When he first moved in with Megan, he thought that maybe that was what a relationship was supposed to be like, but the longer they stayed together the clearer it became that they were only together because they felt that they _should_ be. They were twenty-five. Their friends were all getting married. They were finishing up school. His Facebook feed, once filled with pictures of late night partying, was being taken over by wedding photos, baby bump watches, and shower invites. It was the _expected_ thing to do.

He never even realized how alone he felt in his relationship with Megan until he met Hux.  A year later when he and Hux finally started a relationship of their own, Kylo realized how different it was. He and Hux weren’t together because they felt they should be. If anything, both of them felt like they _shouldn’t_ be. But they _had_ to be. Kylo had never felt that way with anyone. It didn’t matter that they spent most of their time fighting. It didn’t matter that they hadn’t even talked to each other about their future. Hux understood him. And that was more than he could say about anyone inside that house.

He wasn’t alone.

“Lovely weather we’re having tonight.”

Kylo jumped at the unexpected voice sounding from behind him. His heart started pumping rapidly as he glared at his uncle who was shutting the sliding door behind him. Luke had a satisfied smirk on his face. He also had the sense to be wearing a coat.

“Does your mother know you’re out here smoking? I can’t imagine she’d be very happy if she did. Considering our father is inside dying of lung cancer.”

“What she doesn’t know won’t kill her,” Kylo answered tersely, taking another drag from his cigarette.

“No,” Luke answered as he leaned up against snow covered patio table. He folded his arms over his chest. “It’ll just kill you.”

Kylo scoffed. “I’d welcome death if it meant never having to walk inside that house again.”

“I know how you feel,” Luke said. “Being on Anakin Skywalker’s shit list isn’t a great place to be.”  

“And how would you know?” Kylo asked, his eyes narrowing at his uncle. In the eyes of his family Luke had always been perfect. He was the perfect son, perfect brother, perfect husband, perfect father. Sometimes he felt sorry for Rey having to grow up in his shadow. But then, in Anakin’s eyes, Kylo was the one who always had to live up to Luke’s perfection. He was the man’s only grandson. Luke laughed, and in that moment Kylo hated him even more.

“Trust me. I know,” Luke answered. “Before you were born, your grandfather and I… Well… we weren’t the best of friends.” Kylo laughed and rolled his eyes.

“Excuse me if I have a hard time believing that,” Luke nodded and rubbed the neatly trimmed hair on his chin.

“Believe it. It’s true,” Luke answered. “Your grandfather… Well he had plans for me. Wanted me join the Air Force and take over the family business. He wasn’t too pleased when I told him I didn’t want any part of it. As soon as I turned eighteen he kicked me out of the house. When he found out I moved in with Uncle Ben he got even angrier. Then I got angrier. Whenever we’d see each other we’d spend the whole time screaming. There were a couple times where I thought he might actually kill me.”

“What happened?” Kylo asked. His tone had shifted from angry disbelief to genuine curiosity. He had never heard about this particular part of his uncle’s life. Luke shrugged.

“Old Ben died. Your Grandpa got sick. Your Mom got pregnant. I guess we just realized that there were more important things to worry about than our own egos.”

Kylo didn’t much like the look that Luke was giving him. This was exactly what he found to be completely insufferable about the man. He always wanted to offer some some trite wisdom. His issue with Han wasn’t about his _ego_. It was about his father not accepting his life or his choices or the people that he loves.

“Megan is doing well by the way,” Luke stated out of no where. “She’s married. Just had a baby – a little boy. Wedge brings a new picture into the station every day.”

“I don’t remember asking,” Kylo stated, trying to make his voice sound as disinterested as possible. In truth, he was grateful to his uncle for mentioning it. He still cared about Megan. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to have everything she always wanted when she was with him that he was never able to give her. Most of all he was happy that the disastrous end of their relationship hadn’t completely ruined his uncle’s ties with the Antilles family.

“Ben…” Luke started. “I know things between us are… strained.”

Kylo scoffed. He’d never heard a bigger understatement in his entire life.

“I want you to know that I don’t have any hard feelings. I know what it’s like when your family expects one thing from you, but you want something else. I’ll admit when you went to law school, I was thrilled. I thought maybe you could follow in my footsteps and I could teach you how to be the greatest prosecutor New York had ever seen. But that’s not what you wanted. And that’s okay.”

Kylo suddenly became entranced with the embers on the end of his cigarette.

“We all have to choose our own paths in life. I just worry that the path you’ve chosen… Well I worry that it won’t bring you happiness.”

“I’m good at what I do,” Kylo answered, sharply. “I’m successful. More successful than you ever were rotting away with the NYPD. At least I’ve made a name for myself!” Luke nodded. His serenity was stirring something ugly inside of Kylo.

“You certainly have.”

Kylo threw his cigarette down on the ground. He and Luke both watched in silence as he crushed the lighted tip with the sole of his shoe.

“Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”

With that parting statement, Luke walked back inside the house. Once again, leaving Kylo alone on the dark patio. He wrapped his arm around himself, rubbing his forearms with his hands in an effort to banish some of the cold. His stomach was growling with hunger, but he couldn’t move his feet to head back into the house where his mother’s delicious Christmas Eve feast was waiting for him. Instead, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

  _< < I wish you were here. >>_

 

* * *

 

 


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, I worked so hard to get this chapter out faster than usual and I succeeded! It's also the longest chapter to date. So I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm also really nervous because it's definitely the most intense chapter and its really the climax of the story. 
> 
> One thing I want to point out before you get started... I made a conscious choice to write this in third person limited. This entire story is told entirely from Kylo's point of view, with all of his biases and interpretations, and misconceptions. That's just something to keep in mind. A law professor of mine once told me that her experience in civil law had taught her that if you hear a version of events that sounds to terrible to be true, its because it is. The truth is usually in the middle of two extreme versions of a story. 
> 
> Anyway...I hope you like it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Leia Skywalker-Solo put too many nuts in her salad. Kylo had always hated this. Growing up, he’d spent many an evening sitting at the dinner table for hours picking at his food, his father insisting that he wouldn’t leave his seat until he’d eaten at least half of the serving on his plate. He’d always chosen to sit. There was too much stuff in it. Nuts, cranberries, pears, cheese. Kylo was a lettuce, croutons, and dressing kind of kid. He hadn’t changed as an adult.

He was picking around the salad now, shuffling the nuts, berries, and other bits he didn’t want over to the side of his plate and trying to relegate his fork to picking up only lettuce and maybe some cheese. He didn’t much like the dressing she used either. It was too sweet. He was ready for ham and potatoes. He was ready for dinner to be over completely.

Thankfully, when he’d rejoined his family inside after polishing up a second cigarette and a breath mint outside, he’d hadn’t been asked to say a word. Instead, he’d received a few awkward looks before everyone sat down to eat. Anakin was equally silent, obviously having been scolded by his mother. However, rather than looking brooding and displaced like Kylo, Anakin just seemed to be seething in anger. Kylo had no interest in poking him. He hadn’t even meant to do it the first time.

What could have easily turned into the tensest and most uncomfortable Christmas Eve dinner ever suffered by man was made mildly bearable by Rey. She and Luke had dominated the conversation since Kylo had walked out of the house after Anakin’s outburst. And while it was clear that everyone at the table was aware that a giant elephant was crowding the dining space, no one stopped the father and daughter from trying to hide the animal to the best of their abilities.

Rey had spent past several minutes regaling the family with stories about her undergrad at Columbia. Kylo didn’t even realize she was at Columbia. Last he’d heard she had her heart set on MIT. Now, she’d been living in Manhattan for two years while he didn’t even know. Knowing Rey, she’d probably decided to stay in the tri-state area with her father after Mara had died. As a consequence, she’d lived closer to him than ever before and yet he’d never gone longer without seeing her. This made him uneasy. Still, Rey’s natural enthusiasm about her schooling was infectious. The way her face lit up while talking was enough to lift the tension in the air, even if just momentarily.

“Have you gotten your grades back for the semester yet?” Leia asked. Rey shifted a little in her seat with this question and Kylo watched as Luke shot his daughter a wink from across the table. Rey sighed, looking slightly put out.

“No not yet…” she answered, her infectious smile suddenly struck down. Leia tilted her head to the side in silent questioning. Rey was now just as focused on her salad as Kylo was on his.

“Rey’s a bit worried about a particular class,” Luke explained. Leia smiled, supportively.

“I’m sure you did wonderfully, sweetheart.”

“It’s not the class. It’s the professor!” Rey corrected her father. “ _Plutt_. He hates me.”

"Impossible,” Han chimed. Rey’s cheeks flushed slightly and she sighed again in frustration.

“He hates everyone. Half the students in the class were retaking it because he’d already failed them. I’ll be retaking this course until I die, and I’ll never graduate. I’ll just rot in his classroom forever.”

“Think of it this way, Kid,” Han started. “At least you’ll never have to start paying on your loans.”

“That’s not funny,” Rey mumbled as the adults in the room, Kylo and Anakin excluded all sniggered.

“What about outside of classes?” Leia asked. “Did you join that club that Poe was telling you about?”

Suddenly, the subject of the conversation became far more interesting than the allingment of the nuts on Kylo’s plate. His head snapped up at the sound of Poe Dameron’s first name. It was a name he hadn’t heard in years and was definitely not expecting to hear from his mother’s lips this evening. The rush of memories flooding his mind made him very uncomfortable.

No one else at the table seemed even remotely surprised to hear Leia utter their old neighbor’s name, suggesting to Kylo that he was apparently a person who was actively involved in his family’s life. This made Kylo anxious. He didn’t want Poe Dameron talking to his parents without him present. He didn’t know what sort of details the cocky ass had let slip about the nature of their relationship in high school and how easy it was to scale the tree separating their windows.

“No,” Rey stated in answer to his mother’s question. “I want to. But I haven’t really had time for anything extra-curricular.”

“That’s because you spend all your free time with me,” Luke chimed. He wiped his lips with his napkin and then folded his hands on the table. “But you don’t have to. You should do something fun with people your own age. Stop worrying so much about your old man. I’ll be okay. What kind of club is this?”

“It’s a robotics club.”

“Well that sounds interesting,” Luke replied.

“It is interesting,” Leia added. “Poe said he had a lot of fun doing it when he was in his undergrad. He built that little robot that…well…” she gestured vaguely with her hands before turning toward her husband. “Oh, Han, what does it do exactly?”

“It doesn’t _do_ anything,” Han answered. “It’s just a stupid orange and white ball that beeps and rolls around. Chewie likes to chase it, though. So…there’s that.”

“Well…regardless of practicality, it’s a nice way to meet people.”

"I've met people..." Rey said meekly. Leia pursed her lips and Luke raised his eyebrow. Rey didn't exactly have a reputation for being the most outgoing of the Skywalker clan. She was a sweet girl, but she never had a lot of friends. She was introverted and independent, often sacrificing the more social aspects of her life in an effort to achieve her academic goals. The trait was admirable, but even Kylo could tell that she'd always been a bit lonely. That feeling must have only gotten worse, considering that her mother had passed and most if not all of the few friends she'd had growing up had probably moved on to their own college careers around the country. Kylo could understand why his mother and uncle might be pushing her to open herself up to new social circles...but he was still a bit concerned as to whom this recommendation had come from. 

"I bet it'd be a nice place to meet boys..." Leia hinted. Rey's face went red, and even Kylo was slightly grossed out by the comment. He didn't need to be thinking about his baby cousin meeting boys at the dinner table, especially boys like Poe Dameron. 

"I don't really have time for boys right now, Aunt Leia,"

"Well…you never know what will happen…" Leia said, dismissively. Rey looked embarrassed and uncomfortable, and Kylo realized for the first time that he'd never seen her bring a boy home or heard her talk about a boy she was dating. She seemed entirely unversed in that area. He wondered briefly if maybe she was gay, but he didn't think so. It seemed that she was just more comfortable being single. 

"Don't listen to your aunt, kid," Han said. "She forgets that she was practically a nun before she met me." Kylo sniggered as his mother glared at his father from across the table. 

"That's not even remotely true," Leia stated. "Just because I'd been single for a while-"

"They called her the ice princess. Luckily, my devastating looks and charismatic charm were enough to melt her frozen heart." Leia hitched her jaw. Kylo prepared himself for a fight. Suddenly, he felt thirteen again. Although it seemed that Leia's cool head was prevailing, considering they'd already had enough shouting for three Christmas Eve dinners.

"Anyway..." Leia continued through clenched teeth. "I think you would like it. You and Poe seem to have a lot in common-"

"Since when are you talking to Poe Dameron?" Kylo finally asked, no longer able to contain his curiosity. His mother seemed surprised both by the fact he'd finally opened his mouth after over an hour of silence, the question itself, and the somewhat hostile tone with which it was directed at her. She threw him a befuddled look. 

"He moved back into the house next door after his parents passed...Your father has been teaching him how to fly." 

Leia clearly thought this simple explanation was the end of this particular conversation. After all, on paper it seemed to be entirely reasonable. Kess Dameron and his wife Shara Bey had lived in the house next door to the Solos for as long as Kylo could remember. As a child, he’d grown up idolizing their son Poe who was two years his senior. They’d spent a great portion of their childhood playing together… and a great portion of their teenaged years _playing_ together. Kylo wasn’t a virgin when his relationship with Poe had shifted from neighborhood friends to something more, but Poe was the first boy Kylo had ever slept with. Naturally, his feelings regarding Poe were delicate.

What complicated Kylo’s feelings on the matter was the fact that despite their young and fumbling intimacy, Kylo had always resented Poe to a certain extent. Poe was always the coolest kid on the block. He was the leader of their little gang made up of him, Snap Wexley, and Jessika Pava from down the street. Whatever Poe said went. There was rarely any room for argument. This dynamic didn’t really change after they’d had sex.

Poe’s charisma didn’t start and end with their childhood friends either. Even adults were always enchanted by him. Kylo’s parents were no exception. Leia found him absolutely adorable and was endeared by his use of Spanglish in every day conversation. She always tried to encourage Kylo to learn from him. Kylo took French. Han was endlessly amused by Poe. He’d spend entire days with him, teaching him about planes and how to fix cars while Kylo sat off in the corner pouring over books or comics. Kylo always thought his father made it abundantly clear that Poe was the son he always wanted and never got. Now, months after Kess and Shara had died in a car accident, it seemed like Han was getting what he always wanted.

"Poe Dameron," Kylo stated. 

"Yes," Leia answered. "Poe Dameron. Is that okay? Should we have gotten your permission before reaching out to a young man we've known since infancy whose parent's tragically passed away?" Kylo was suddenly filled with an unexplained red hot anger. His mother’s dismissive tone about the delicate subject matter had his skin crawling, and even as his rational brain told him that she had no idea about anything that had occurred between him, Poe, and Han, he couldn’t contain himself. He turned toward his father with fire burning in his eyes.

"You're teaching  _Poe Dameron_ how to fly?!" he spat. It seemed now was as good a time as any to finally go off on him. This wasn't the subject he was expecting to blow up about, but nevertheless he was pissed as hell. 

"Yes," Han answered. "What's it to you?" 

"I  _begged_ you to teach me how to fly and you  _never_ wanted to. And now you're taking Poe fucking Dameron up there with you?!" 

Han’s mouth dropped open. He let out a series of grunts and scoffs that seemed to express feelings of surprise, confusion, anger, and annoyance all at once. He sat up in his seat and placed his fork on his plate, food forgotten.

"First of all, watch your god damned mouth at the dinner table.” Kylo scoffed at the hypocrisy. “Second of all, I never had an objection to taking you up with me. It was your  _mother_ who didn't want you to learn how to fly. And by the time you were old enough to make the decision yourself, you wanted nothing to do with me. So don't try to pin that on me. That was  _your_ choice." 

"So... what?" Kylo asked. "I got mad at you, so you just replaced me with the kid next door?" 

"At least when Poe comes over here for dinner, he doesn't spend the whole time sulking and throwing accusations at people," Han retorted. Until this point, the confrontation had been surprisingly calm. But after this Kylo couldn’t hold it in any longer. He’d always known that Han was constantly comparing him to Poe and he’d essentially just proven it to be true.

"Oh. So I guess he's the perfect son then. He's just everything that I'm not. Well, I hate to break it to you, Dad, but Poe's just as gay as I am. In fact, more so!" 

The room went silent at this. Han sat back in his chair, his eyebrows kneading together in confusion. Leia took a deep breath and opened her mouth. She was clearly about to say something diplomatic in an effort to regain the tense but peaceful atmosphere that had been present in the room just moments before. Her husband, however, interrupted her. 

"What the  _hell_ does that have to do with anything?" 

"Oh, please,” Kylo answered. “Don't pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about.”

"No!" Han yelled, once again leaning forward. Everyone else in the room fell back into their seats and hid their faces in their dinners. Kylo could tell that it had become clear to everyone that this fight was not going to end any time soon. "This ends _now_! Stop putting god damned words in my mouth! I never said that I had a problem with that and you know it!"

"Have a problem with  _what,_ Dad?" he asked, leaning forward and waiting for a response. Han said nothing. Kylo shook his head. "You can't even say the word!”

“Gay! Gay gay gay!” Han shouted. “There I said it! So can we finally put an end to this fantasy of yours that I _hate_ you for not being straight?!”

“Fantasy?!” Kylo asked, his anger with his father growing by leaps and bounds. It was just like him to attempt to invalidate any and all feelings he had. “My entire life I've brought girls home to meet you two and you _never_ had a problem with any of them. You liked all of them! But the  _one time_ I brought a boyfriend home to meet you, you lost your god damned mind! What am I supposed to think, Dad? He’d never done a single thing to you and you sat there and treated him like a piece of shit you tracked in on the bottom of your shoe. What other conclusion am I supposed to draw?!" 

"There he goes again,” Han muttered under his breath while shaking his head. He bowed his head down and picked up his fork, clearly hoping to get back to his meal. Kylo, however, had other plans.

"Excuse me?!" 

"Boys..." Leia started. "Perhaps this is conversation for another-"

“No!” Kylo said, interrupting his mother. “He clearly has more to say on the matter. Please, Dad, the floor is open!”

"You really don't listen to a single thing anyone ever says, do you?" Han answered. Kylo was thrown for a loop. "Are you really so irresponsible that you can't own up to  _anything_ you did wrong?!" 

"What-"

"Do you have any idea what I went through after all the  _shit_ you pulled?!" 

It was back to this. It had been five years and his father still hadn’t let it go. Kylo seethed at the fact that he was bringing it up again. His parents had no business involving themselves so deeply in his personal life, especially when it came to a relationship that had ended five years ago. He’d moved on. But it seemed like the was the only one who had.

"That was none of your business then, and it’s none of your business now. That was between Megan and me. Not you! Not Wedge! Not Uncle Luke!" 

"She's my best friend's daughter! It sure as hell is my  _business!_  I can't look at Wedge in the eye to this day!”

“You have no idea what happened-”

“I know enough!” Han yelled. “I know you got her pregnant! I know you refused to marry her after you did! I know that a _week_ after she miscarried _your_ child you were cheating on her with some sniveling asshole you met at your office!” Kylo’s vision turned red at Han’s description of Hux. He may have been guilty of some serious wrongdoing at the end of his relationship with Megan, but Hux wasn’t to blame.

“Don’t talk about him that way,” Kylo growled. Han paid him no heed.

“And then a year later you have the _audacity_ to walk that same asshole into _my house_ unannounced and pretend that _nothing_ happened! What was I supposed to do, Ben? Just sit there and play nice? Pretend that he wasn’t the reason you destroyed your life?”

“ _Destroyed_ my life?!” Kylo yelled, incredulously. “Please, Dad. Please tell me how I _destroyed_ my life by being with Hux.”

Kylo knew what the answer was going to be. He’d heard it so many times at this point. He was supposed to marry Megan. He was supposed to have dozens of Solo-Antilles babies and ride off into the sunset with the girl that he’d been raised with since they were born. It was like a fairy tale. Everyone was so excited when they started dating. Although, his parents hadn’t exactly been pleased when they found out she was pregnant. In truth, no one was pleased. By that point, it was clear to both of them that their relationship was not meant to last.

Han and Leia had pressured him to propose. They’d told him that it was the right thing to do. When your girlfriend gets pregnant you marry her. But Kylo couldn’t bring himself to do it. All he could think about was his parents’ wedding picture hanging in the hall with him pressed between them as they kissed his cheeks and the countless number of times he’d cried himself to sleep listening to them fight.

Megan had miscarried at two and a half months. It was hard on both of them. They were both relieved in truth, but Megan took it hard. She’d always wanted children. She was balancing a complicated cocktail of emotions, being simultaneously devastated at the loss, concerned about her future ability to have children, relived that her first child wouldn’t be his, and guilt ridden over her feelings of relief. At that point Ben was in no place to comfort her, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave, even though he was developing feelings for someone else.

His parents liked to simplify this period of his life by painting him a villain. According to them, his life would have been settled if he and Megan had simply gotten married and tried again, at least that was the impression he got from them. So when the next words to come out of Han’s mouth had nothing to do with his personal life, Ben was taken completely by surprise.

“What happened to the ACLU, Ben?” Han asked. “Remember your plan? After law school you were going to work with the ACLU. You were going to _help_ people! It was all set up. You were going to graduate, get some experience with Luke in the prosecutor’s office and then use some connections to start working on civil rights cases…”  

It took a moment for Kylo to formulate a response. He had honestly no idea where this sudden shift in topics had come from and his mind was reeling. His father had never said a word about his career before, and he wasn’t entirely sure why it was coming up now.

“What are you talking about?” Kylo asked, flabbergasted. “You’re angry because I didn’t follow a career path I set out for myself at the wizened age of twenty?!”

“No!” Han yelled. “I’m angry because the kid that I raised wanted to help people! That was always your goal in life. You wanted to do good, to be a benefit to society. But instead you took some horrible internship at that cess pool you work in and you let them turn you into a crook.”

“Crook?!” Kylo yelled.

“If the _glove_ fits!” Han responded pointedly. Kylo rubbed his temples in frustration.

“Was that a horribly subtle way of comparing me to Johnny Cochran?! Because you know, he was a _civil rights_ attorney!” Han ignored him.

“Remember when you took that job? You said it was temporary! You said you wanted nothing to do with criminal law. Then you meet that boyfriend of yours and you changed your entire plan. You’re working there full time and you’re on television defending the world’s worst criminals, helping them get off Scott free!”

“Someone has to!” Kylo yelled. “Did you ever consider that, Dad? This is America. Every person has a right to due process, even the scum of the Earth. Maybe what I do is the most noble profession of all! I’m upholding the Constitution! I’m defending the people who no one else wants to defend.”

 "Is _that_ how you sleep at night?!” Han asked. “Is that how your boyfriend convinced you to sell your soul to the devil? Because that’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard in my life!”

“My career choices have nothing to do with Hux,” Kylo growled. Of all the things that his father had said during this exchange, this offended him most of all. The implication that Kylo was so easily pliable as to give up on his own ambitions for some guy. Han scoffed.

“So you just came to the decision to abandon all of your ideals, everything you’d ever worked toward entirely on your own? You just woke up one day and thought…I’m tired of trying to make an actual difference in the world, I’m just going to become a greedy, power hungry, scumbag who's out for all he can steal?!” Han asked.

“Yeah, Dad! Maybe I did!” Ben answered. “Maybe I was never as idealistic as you all wanted me to be. Cause that’s really what this is all about right? I was the problem child. I was sullen. I was angry. I was always getting in fights and doing drugs. You wanted so _desperately_ for me to grow out of it, because it would fit some precious narrative that would validate the hell I put you through. Look how Ben turned his life around! Look how _good_ Ben is now. Look how Ben overcame his problems! Well I’m sorry that I found satisfaction doing something that doesn’t fit that nice little picture for you. And I’m sorry that I found happiness with someone other that your best friend’s daughter. But I’m done trying to live my life in a way that will erase _your_ regrets. I’m not going to uproot my life to make _you_ happy.”

“ _Happy_?!” Han yelled. “You’re going to sit there and tell me that this job makes you _happy_?! You’re miserable! All night you’ve been on that damned phone of yours, rolling your eyes, groaning under your breath, typing god knows what to god knows who! You’re thirty years old and you look more tired than I do!” Kylo rolled his eyes.

“Please…” Kylo threw his arms up and rolled his eyes.

“How many glasses of scotch have you thrown back, Benjamin?” Han asked. “I lost count after four!”

“Han Solo is criticizing _my_ drinking habits?!” Kylo exclaimed with disbelieving laughter in his tone. “That’s rich. And let’s get one thing straight, Dad. My _job_ isn’t driving me to drink. What’s driving me to drink is having to be in this house with _you_!”

“Okay, that’s enough!” A voice yelled, echoing above the sounds of Han and Kylo’s shouts. All heads in the room turned uneasily toward the matriarch of the bunch. Leia’s head was bowed, her eyes closed in an effort to calm herself. Her arms were stretched out in front of her with her hands resting against the edge of the mahogany dining table as if she were bracing herself. A tense moment followed her outburst, during which no one in the room had the courage to speak.

“I am so tired.” The statement was quiet, almost weak. It was the statement of a woman who had been through too much in her life to endure a one more scene at her dining room table on Christmas Eve. Kylo almost felt guilty in that moment, but his anger was still too great to offer an apology.

“I am so tired of all of this,” Leia continued. “All I want is to sit down with my family and eat ham on Christmas Eve.”

“Leia…” Luke started. He was interrupted by a sharp look from his twin sister.

“I have spent my entire life trying in vain to keep this family together. When can I ever have peace?”

“Leia…” Han said as he reached a hand out to his wife, his fingertips gracing her knuckles in what was meant to be a show of support and affection.

“ _Don’t_ touch me!” she bit, yanking her hand away. “You all can self destruct if that is what you want. I’m done.”

The only sounds that followed were the scraping of Leia’s chair against the wood floor as she stood and excused herself from the dining room in the middle of her meal. Everyone followed the sounds of her footsteps as she walked up the stairs toward her room, closing the door in her wake.

“Well I guess I’m sleeping in the den tonight.”

Han’s attempt a levity was met with absolutely no laughter. No one in the room made a sound, except for the occasional scraping of a utensil on a plate. Although, despite the delicious meal in front of them no one seemed to be in the mood to eat anything.

 

* * *

 

At this point, Kylo was afraid to leave. He wanted to - but he felt as if he couldn't walk out on his mother at this particular moment. He was at a loss. Dinner had long since been put away. He'd sat on a bar stool and watched as his uncle silently washed dishes, put food away, and cleaned the kitchen counters, moving through the kitchen as if the house were his. Neither of them said a word. It seemed that everything there was to say between them had already been said. For once, Kylo was actually grateful for his uncle's constant state of serenity. The silence didn't feel awkward or stilted. It simply was. There was even something mildly comforting about it. His uncle's presence was stable and supportive without being pushy. He was just there. It had reminded him of times when he was a child and Luke had been called over to act as a mediator between one of his parent's many blow outs. He felt safe. 

Han, directly after leaving the dining room table, had reclused himself inside the den along with Chewie. Not a peep had been made from the room since. After the kitchen was cleaned, Luke, Rey, and Anakin had all moved back to the living room. Kylo could overhear bits and pieces of their conversation. It was subdued, but it seemed that the three of them had decided to carry on with their own Christmas Eve celebration, despite the Solo family drama. Kylo had stayed on his bar stool. 

His only company at this point was his phone, but it seemed even his electronic device had abandoned him. The work texts and emails had stopped cold almost an hour and a half ago. He couldn't even get anyone to respond to him. They must have called it a night. His Facebook feed was dead, most of his friends were no doubt preoccupied with their own family celebrations. Once he realized that there was no one left in the office, he'd texted Hux almost immediately and received no answer. He'd since texted three more times and called twice, receiving no response. 

Suddenly, he was worried that Hux was mad again. He couldn't think of any reason why he would be. Although, that had never stopped Hux from being angry at him before. Maybe he was annoyed at all the texts. But Kylo couldn't help himself. He was bored. He was anxious. He needed to talk to someone, and he hated himself for feeling this way. He hated that the mere thought of his father’s words had left him feeling so weak and foolish. He’d told himself that he had destroyed the part of him that cared about his father’s opinions long ago. Apparently he was wrong. He hesitated a moment before once again hovering his finger down on the call button under Hux’s name. Maybe he was being pathetic, but Hux was just going to have to deal with it.

However, before his finger could press down on the little green button, the doorbell rang out of nowhere. Kylo’s head snapped up in confusion, wondering who the hell could possibly be at the door at this time on Christmas Eve. If it was Poe Dameron he was going to walk out of this God forsaken house and never come back.

Sound was once again heard from the den as Chewie went mad inside at the ring of the bell. Han yelled at him to be quiet but the door to the room didn’t open. Kylo thought briefly about getting up to answer the door but decided against it when he heard the sounds of footsteps coming from the living room. Seconds later the front door opened, and he heard the sound of his uncle’s voice.

“Merry Christmas!” Luke said cheerfully. “Can I help you?” A sense of dread filled Kylo as he thought that maybe what was waiting behind the door was worse than Poe Dameron. Maybe it was Christmas carolers or something as equally saccharine and unbearable.

Yet, a choir of mediocre voices is not what sounded through the air after his uncle greeted the visitor. Instead, it was one singular voice entirely non-musical in nature. But it was a voice that Kylo recognized. A voice that he knew very well. A voice that sent his heart racing.

“I’m sorry,” it sounded, confusion evident in its tone. “I must have the wrong house. I’m looking for the Solo residence…” Kylo leapt from his bar stool and dashed toward the foyer where his uncle was standing in the doorway 

“You’re in the right place,” Luke replied. “My sister didn’t tell me she was expecting more company…”

“She’s not. I-”

“What are you doing here?!” Kylo asked, stepping forward toward the door. Luke took a step to the side, his hand till perched on the front door, holding it open. As Luke moved, Kylo saw a flash of red hair peek out from behind him.

It was Hux. He was standing there on his parents’ front porch, dressed in a pair of nice jeans and a quarter zip sweater with an oxford shirt peeking out of the collar. An overnight bag was slung over his shoulder and he held his iPhone in his hand. He thrust the phone into the air toward Kylo as if to show it to him.

“This is ridiculous. You’re being ridiculous,” he stated, indicating the multiple texts that he must have received while he was driving the hour and a half from New York to New Haven.

“You must be Hux,” Luke said, holding out his hand. The red head accepted it and stepped into the house. “Luke Skywalker. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Thank you,” Hux said while shaking the man’s hand. “You as well.” The three of them stood there, not knowing quite what to do at this particular point. Kylo and Hux were starting at each other and Luke was standing awkwardly between them. He stepped back.

“Well…I’ll leave you two alone.” Luke excused himself back into the living room, leaving Kylo and Hux standing in the entrance way all alone, still a considerable distance from each other. Hux dropped his bag on the floor. He then started speaking. His anger and frustration seeping into his tone.

“I know you don’t want me to be here, and I know you’re probably pissed that I showed up. But, honestly, Kylo, you need me here right now. You’re acting like a crazy person, and you’re upset. You clearly want me here, but you just don’t want to admit it. So I’m not giving you a choice anymore. I’m here. And you can bitch and moan about it when all you want when we get home, but for now you’re just going to have to live with it-”

Kylo cut off his boyfriend’s rant by pouncing across the room and kissing him silent. Hux staggered back, surprised and caught off guard by the action. He staggered a little on his feet and Kylo realized that he maybe should have given the smaller man some warning before launching all 6’3” of muscular frame directly at him. Hux recovered quickly though and regained his balance before leaning into the kiss.

They stayed in an embrace for a few moments before Kylo broke away and rested his forehead against Hux’s. His arms were wrapped tightly around him and Hux’s hands had crept up into Kylo’s long hair. Kylo breathed him in, relishing at feel of him in his arms. Even the sight of the stupid ginger beard he was growing and the feeling of the rough hair scratching his jaw didn’t bother him at this point. He was just so happy that he was standing there in front of him.

“You’re here,” Kylo said. He watched as the previous frustration on Hux’s face melted away and his eyes softened.

“I’m here,” Hux replied. His fingertips started slipping from their place in Kylo’s hair and coming down. His left hand moved to rest on Kylo’s hips, but his right lingered on Kylo’s cheek. Kylo smiled softly at him, but Hux didn’t smile back. He frowned before twitching one eyebrow and taking a step back. Kylo was confused for a moment but then it suddenly hit him what his boyfriend must be scrutinizing. He’d left that detail out of his texts. He’d left a lot of details about the night out of his texts.

“What the fuck happened to your face?”

And now he was going to have to get him caught up.

 

* * *

 

 


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY. 
> 
> I am so sorry about this delay you guys. As I said at the very start, my life is pretty hectic and updates may take a while. Still, this one was longer than I had ever planned. The good news, however, is that I am offically a Master of Arts! I finished up grad school a couple weeks ago. So that was definitely part of the delay, but that chapter of my life is now over so I should have way more time to devote to writing. 
> 
> I also do community theatre and I helped put up two shows at the same time in May. So it's been non-stop stress. After which I needed a little time to decompress before I could get over the writer's block hurdle. But enough of the excuses! 
> 
> A few things to start. I can't thank you all enough for the overwhelming response to this fic! I'm so glad you are all exited that Hux is here. Things are definitely about to take a turn and I hope you enjoy it. Secondly, I have to say something about Chewie the dog. As a writer I try to keep my fics as realistic as humanly possible, but if there's one thing you are going to have to suspend your disbelief about it's Chewie the dog. In my mind he was the family pet when Ben was a child, and he is still there. He will continue to be there. He will never die. He is an immortal dog. Don't ask how. He just is. You will need to accept this. Haha! 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

 

* * *

 

Gentleness wasn't exactly Hux's forte. Kylo flinched as his fingers roughly grabbed his chin and titled his face to get a better look at the still tender skin around the area where Rey had punched him just a couple hours ago. With everything that had happened since, he'd almost completely forgotten about the injury. He wasn't quite sure what to think about the fact that his cousin physically battering him was the  _least_ dramatic thing that had happened that evening.  

"I..." Kylo started. Hux was looking at him expectantly, but the part of himself that still wanted to seem strong and and manly to his boyfriend was ashamed to admit that his petite little cousin had inflicted such obvious damage on him. He cleared his throat and shook his head. "It's a long story." 

Kylo was hoping that Hux would drop it. But he watched as his face only grew more concerned. He let go and dropped his hand down to his side. He then clenched his fist and started running his thumb over his knuckles in the way that he always did when he was angry but trying to keep his cool. Concern was etched across his face. 

"Did your father do that to you?" 

"What?" Kylo asked, totally and utterly surprised by the question. In all his life, in all of his endless arguments and through all of the terrible words he and his father had spat at each other, Kylo had never once feared that Han would lay a hand on him. The thought was so foreign to him that he hadn't even considered that it was a conclusion that Hux might draw upon seeing him. 

"No!" he insisted. His boyfriend's face remained skeptical. "Of course not. No." Kylo reached forward and grabbed his boyfriend's clenched hand. When he saw that Hux face remained skeptical he closed the space between them again, tugging him forward. He wrapped his arms around Hux's waist and burrowed his face into his neck, kissing him lightly under the jaw before tilting his lips up toward his ear. He hoped that the move would distract him from the angry assumption he was making. 

"It was just an accident. I'm embarrassed..." It was a small lie, but one that he could live with. In addition to not wanting Hux to know that Rey had gotten the better of him physically, he also didn't need him to hate the one member of his family he found tolerable. Finally, he felt the tension leave Hux as his body relaxed into the embrace and he sighed. 

"You'd tell me if..." 

"Of course I would," Kylo answered. "That's not what happened."

"Okay," Hux said. "I guess I'll believe you." 

"That's very generous of you," Kylo replied, his lips turning up in a smirk against Hux's skin. 

"I'm feeling magnanimous today," Hux replied. 

"I've noticed," Kylo whispered, his mind flashing to the explicit text that he'd been looking at all evening. Something really good must have happened at the office for Hux to be in such a nice mood. He was suddenly overcome with how warm Hux felt in his arms and how good he smelled. It was almost too good at this point in time, considering they were standing in his parents’ foyer. 

"Luke! Who was at the-" Leia stopped herself cold as she appeared on the landing upstairs and looked down upon Kylo and Hux. They broke apart instantly and Kylo shoved his hands into his pockets in embarrassment. "...door?" she finished. The three of them stood there staring at each other for a few moments. Kylo was suddenly finding his feet fascinating. 

"Huxley..." Leia said as she walked down the stairs. She was smiling, but Kylo could tell that she was working very hard at suppressing the anger and sadness that she'd been feeling since the blow up over dinner. "I wasn't expecting you." 

"No one was..." Kylo mumbled. 

"Mrs. Solo," Hux greeted politely. Kylo saw his mother flinch at the name, but to her credit she kept her smile glued on her face. 

" _Ms_. Skywalker-Solo..." Kylo muttered under his breath while rolling his eyes. He was sure that at some point in their relationship he had told Hux about his mother's aversion to being called Mrs. Solo. The red head must have conveniently forgotten. Now was not the time to prick at Leia's tolerance. Yet, to her credit she was still smiling. 

"Please. Call me Leia," she said, sweetly. 

"Leia," Hux corrected. Her eyes shifted to the bag that was still resting on the floor by Kylo's feet. Hux cleared his throat. "I'm terribly sorry to intrude on your holiday..." 

"Nonsense. We're happy to have you." Leia answered. To Kylo's surprise and Hux's extreme discomfort she reached out a hand and placed it on his arm in a welcoming gesture. Hux didn't like to be touched by people he didn't know. Hux didn't even like to be touched by Kylo all that often outside the realm of privacy. Kylo could tell by the way that his boyfriend's eyes shifted down to the hand on his arm he was internally freaking out. Although, he had to give him credit for refraining from flinching away at the contact. Luckily, his mother seemed to pick up on this and dropped her hand quickly. 

"Thank you," Hux answered. Kylo wasn't entirely sure if he was thanking her for the declaration of welcome or the removal of her hand from his person. Probably both. 

"Have you eaten?" Leia asked. "We have plenty of leftovers. I'd be happy to heat something up for you." 

"Oh no. Thank you. I couldn't possibly find the room. We ordered Chinese to the office." 

"Dessert then," Leia said with a smile. "You're just in time." 

"Oh. I don't-"

"Nope," Kylo muttered, cutting off his boyfriend's insistence that he doesn't eat sweets before he could even get the words out of his mouth. He was fairly certain that Hux was also lying about being stuffed from Chinese food. He's sure that the three bites of boring ass chicken and vegetables that he inevitably ordered didn't fill him up as much as he was letting on. Hux forced a smile. 

"Dessert would be lovely." 

"Wonderful." Leia's eyes turned to the bag on the floor once again and a brief silence filled the air before she cleared her throat. "Ben," she said as she raised an eyebrow at her son. "Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to show your boyfriend and his things to your room?" Kylo bit the inside of his cheek before growling out a response. Apparently his mother's performance of civility was reserved for Hux and Hux alone. 

"Well we were having such a lovely conversation..." he replied. Leia said nothing. She simply fixed him with a withering look and Kylo found himself sighing before dramatically sweeping Hux's overnight bag over his shoulder and hauling it up the stairs.

"Excuse us," he heard Hux mutter uncomfortably behind him before following him in step. Kylo couldn’t help but think that Hux would most likely be issuing many excuses for him this evening if the thick air between he and his parents didn’t settle any time soon.

 

* * *

 

Upon entering his bedroom, Kylo threw Hux's bag unceremoniously onto the bed. It landed with a thud against the head board. He then lifted his finger and thumb to his eyes in an effort to rub out the tension and stress he could feel building into something very uncomfortable. 

"Please don't throw my shit around the room. Thank you," Hux said as he crossed his arms over his chest and closed the door behind them. Kylo ignored him and sat down at the foot of the bed. 

"Don't start. I'm getting a fucking migrane," Kylo explained. 

"And breaking my stuff is going to fix that?" Hux asked. Kylo shook his head and looked at Hux as if he'd said the sky was green. 

"What do you have in there to break? Are your fucking boxer briefs going to shatter?" Hux locked his jaw. 

"My iPad is in there. And a bottle of wine. I'd rather the two not mix." 

"Well why the fuck did you bring a bottle of wine?" 

"Because I'm a guest in your parents’ home. Not to mention an uninvited one! I don't know what kind of barn you were raised in, but where I come from you bring hostess gifts when you're a guest in someone else's home." 

"Oh. Rich kid bullshit. I get it." 

"Could you try to go one sentence without swearing and/or insulting me, or is that asking the impossible?" 

Kylo roared and pressed his fingers roughly against his temples. Hux simply stood in front of him, looking down with a scolding expression on his face that almost matched his mother's downstairs. He was going insane. 

"I'm going to murder my parents." 

"Your mother was being perfectly lovely not five minutes ago." Kylo scoffed. 

"That wasn't lovely. That was Leia's politics face. She'd expressed her complete and utter disgust with me as a son and a human not too long before you showed up. Trust me, she's down there fuming that you're here because now she can't kick me out and I'll end up sleeping here after all." 

"Your mother was going to kick you out?" Hux asked. Kylo opened his mouth to respond in the affirmative but was cut off. Apparently, the question was rhetorical. "The woman who called you six times begging you to be here and cried when you finally said yes was going to kick you out of her home after two and a half hours?" 

"You weren't here. You don't know-" 

"The woman who has been trying to get you to sit down and hash things out with your father for four years decided tonight, on Christmas Eve, that this battle she's been fighting for all this time was for naught and the easiest thing to do would be to kick you out of her house?" 

"Don't-"

"The same woman who continued to call you every month even after you caused a scene at her sister-in-law's funeral decided that tonight was the final straw, and she was going to kick you out of the house and tell you never to come back again? This is the story that you're going with?" 

"She said she was done." 

"I said I was done cleaning up your messes after you shattered your fucking desk and almost got us both fired, but now here I am..." 

"I thought we weren't going to swear..." 

"Dear, God. You're infuriating," Hux said. This time it was he who was reaching up to rub the tension out of his eyes. Kylo was suddenly seeing red. 

"Well fine! Why don't you just go then? If I'm so infuriating, I don't see why you fucking bothered coming all the way up here. I don't see why you fucking bother at all! No one else does!" 

"Jesus, Ky," Hux whispered. He took a step forward until he was standing between Kylo's legs and his shins butted up against the edge of the bed. He reached down a ran a hand through Kylo's hair right at his temples. "Why is it so hard for you to understand that just because people get mad at you, it doesn't mean they stop wanting you in their lives?"

Kylo was once again cut off from giving a response as Hux leaned forward and captured his lips in a kiss.

“I’m here because I love you,” Hux stated as he pressed his forehead against Kylo’s.  “Heaven knows why. But there it is.”

Hux kissed him again. It was soft and slow and it took a few moments for Kylo to release the tension and anger built up in his system to adequately respond. He felt his entire body relax under the contact. The strain he’d been holding in his shoulders dissipated and his headache started ebbing away.

This is what he’d been dreaming about ever since he walked into this house – being alone with Hux again. He hadn’t imagined that their alone time would happen in his childhood bedroom, but he certainly wasn’t going to argue. Kylo moaned into the kiss and lifted his hands to rest on Hux’s hips, pulling him closer. His hands curved around to rest on Hux’s backside, but his boyfriend chose that moment to pull ever so slightly away.

“Don’t start anything you can’t finish,” Hux warned. “Your mother is expecting us downstairs.”

“Don’t talk about my mother when my hands are on your ass,” Kylo responded. Hux rolled his eyes. “Besides, you started it when you sent me that pretty little picture.” Kylo almost thought that he saw a faint blush appear over Hux’s cheeks. His boyfriend’s eyes wandered to the side and he worried his bottom lip between his teeth.  

“I may have been feeling a bit tipsy earlier this evening,” Hux admitted. He was embarrassed. Kylo needed to fix that. “My drunken mind thought it would be an appropriate way to cheer you up.”

“You should drink more often,” Kylo said. The corner of his mouth twitched up in a smirk. “I’m getting hard just thinking about it.”

Hux’s face flushed again and Kylo smiled widely in amusement. His fingers drifted their way around to Hux’s front once more. Finding the hem of Hux’s sweater, Kylo slipped his hand underneath, gently touching the hidden skin and sending shivers down his lover’s spine. He inched the fabric up slowly and leaned forward, about to press his lips against where his hands now roamed, but just as his head moved forward a knock sounded on the door.

Kylo did not even have time to respond as the door swung open instantly. He took a moment to be enraged at the fact that his cousin still hadn’t learned how to knock on a door properly. The rapping on the door was hardly courteous if the person behind it gave no time to find out if they were actually welcome. Hux jumped away from him as if shocked by a force of electricity. Kylo growled and his long arm stretched across the bed to grab a pillow to fling over his lap in an effort to hide his noticeable erection from what he assumed were his cousin’s still virgin eyes.

“Dad told me that your boyfriend was – Oh!” The look of excitement that graced Rey’s face upon her entrance into room turned very quickly into mortification when she saw the pillow stretched across Kylo’s lap. She buried her beat red face in her hands and started stammering.

“I’m so sorry!’ she yelled. “I’ll go back downstairs. I’m sorry. Oh my gosh. I’m sorry.” Rey turned around, her face still hidden by her hands, and managed to run right into the doorway in an attempt to leave. “Ow!”

“Rey,” Kylo said. His cousin turned toward him again and peered at him through spread fingers. Suddenly he found that although he was annoyed with her he couldn’t stay upset.

“Yes?” she asked.

“Would you like to meet Hux?” Kylo gestured to his boyfriend whose look of mortification was almost as overdramatic as his little cousin’s. With flustered fingertips, Hux was tucking his undershirt back into his pants and straightening out his sweater, too occupied to offer his hand for a handshake. 

“Hi,” Rey said meekly, finally lowering her hands and offering him an awkward wave. 

“Hi,” Hux responded in kind.

“Rey, this is Huxley O’Brien. Hux, this is my little cousin Rey Skywalker.”

A silence fell between them for a moment before Hux, ever the gentleman, finally took a step forward and shook the younger girl’s hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” he said.

“Finally?” Rey asked. Her eyebrow raised and she turned to look at Kylo questioningly. Now it was his turn to feel a flash of embarrassment.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Hux explained. “Ky is pretty fond of you, if you weren’t aware.”

“Is he?” Rey flashed Kylo a shit eating grin. He rolled his eyes.

“Is there something you came up here for?” Kylo asked. “Or is cock-blocking a fun new habit of yours?” The embarrassment returned fully to Rey’s face and Kylo smiled, satisfied that he was able to push her buttons.

“I just wanted to say hello.”

“Hello,” Kylo replied. “You can leave now.”

Rey’s face dropped yet again and Hux sent him a dissatisfied glare. Obviously, Hux was not too happy with the tone the conversation had taken between him and his cousin. Hux hated when he was rude. They’d gotten into countless fights over his apparent lack of tact. Clients were often left dissatisfied after speaking to Kylo alone. Hux was usually called in to smooth things over after these encounters. These were the most common “messes” Kylo was leaving behind for his boyfriend to clean up.  

“Yes. It’s about time we all went down for dessert,” Hux said. He reached for his bag and pulled out the bottle of wine he’d brought before turning his attention back to Rey.

“Would you allow me to escort you, Miss Skywalker?” He offered Rey his elbow and she looked over at Kylo in amazement with a wide amused smile on her face. This was probably the most cheesy and gentlemanly gesture a man had ever made for her and she was absolutely charmed. Kylo, however, knew his boyfriend well enough to know when he was simply being a smug little shit. He wanted Kylo to think that he was going to leave him high and dry. And Kylo was starting to actually believe it.

“We’ll meet you down there in a couple minutes, Rey,” Kylo said, his stare fixed hard on Hux, as if daring him to leave while his cock was still hard under his pillow.  

“I’m going with your cousin,” Hux said, holding the gaze in return.

“That’s hilarious,” Kylo answered. “We have some unfinished business to talk about. It’ll just take a few minutes…” Hux raised his eyebrow, and his eyes flicked momentarily down to Kylo’s lap. Rey seemed to be absolutely clueless as to the exchange that was taking place.

“Nothing you can’t handle on your own,” Hux said.

“Hux…” Kylo growled.

“I don’t want to keep your mother waiting,” Hux stated as he stepped forward with Rey on his arm. “Don’t be too long, darling.”

 

* * *

  

Kylo was grumbling as he made his way down the stairs to catch up with his cousin and his boyfriend. In truth, he was a little pissed off at this point. He’d thought Hux arriving would finally provide him with the support and comfort that he so desperately needed. Although, it seemed his boyfriend was more interested in being a dick. Not that that was entirely out of character for Hux. 

When he rounded the corner into the dining room, he found the majority of his family sitting at the table in front of empty plates. Hux looked sufficiently awkward and it was clear that he was regretting coming down alone to be in a room full of strangers. Rey, his new partner in crime, was busy setting plates down and running to and from the kitchen in the process. Luke seemed to be keeping him occupied with small talk, but Anakin was sitting across the table staring at him. 

To the uneducated eye, it might seem like Hux was completely unbothered by the elderly man’s scrutinizing gaze. Hux, after all, was a model of calm under pressure. He rarely showed any sign of discomfort no matter what the circumstances. Kylo, however, knew better. He could tell Hux was uncomfortable by the way that his chin was raised ever so slightly too high. He was forcing himself to keep it up.

Normally, he’d be upset to see his boyfriend squirm. But now Kylo just smiled, satisfied with the karmic outcome. He took the empty seat next to him and squeezed his thigh. Hux’s chin dropped a fraction of an inch.

“Well I see you’ve finally decided to join us,” Anakin said. Kylo smirked.

“I see you’ve finally met Hux,” Kylo responded. “Satisfied?” Anakin merely grunted in response.

“Hux was just telling us that he got his J.D. at Harvard,” Luke said, steering the conversation away from what was dangerously close to turning into another fight. “I advised him not to share that information with your mother.”

Kylo actually found himself releasing a small amused laugh at the statement. All heads turned to stare at him in shock at the almost joyous outburst. Kylo himself was a bit surprised. But he couldn’t deny that imagining the look on his Yale professor mother’s face upon learning that there was a Harvard grad at their table would amuse him to no end. He felt Hux squeeze the hand that was still resting on his thigh and when he turned his head his boyfriend was smiling at him. It seemed like Hux really is what he needed to get through this night after all.

“And deny us all the entertainment?” He asked his uncle. “Why should he do that?”

Luke was smiling now too as he looked at Kylo and Hux both. His hands were folded underneath his chin and Kylo suddenly felt as if he were on display. He shifted a little bit in his seat under the scrutiny. But unlike previously in the evening, he felt as though his family was actually happy with what they were seeing. That was a strange but welcome change.

Rey walked back into the room, carrying a handful of forks that she placed next to everyone’s plates. Luke thanked his daughter sweetly and Rey took a seat. Anakin looked around in confusion as Rey sat down, clearly expecting more to be brought to him.

“Where’s the damn food?” he asked.

“I was waiting for Aunt Leia and Uncle Han, Grandpa,” Rey responded. With that statement Kylo finally took notice of the fact that his parents were both conveniently missing. At first he’d assumed they were in the kitchen getting the dessert prepared, but he didn’t see or hear them in the other room.

“Well I suppose we’ll be sitting here all night then!” Anakin growled. Rey rolled her eyes and placed her hands on the table as if preparing to stand up and go back into the kitchen. Kylo briefly wondered how she ended up playing waitress, but then realized his grandfather probably had something to do with it.

“I’ll handle it, sweetheart,” Luke said, standing up before Rey and placing his napkin on the chair. “I’ll get the food _and_ our supposed hosts.”

Kylo’s whole body tensed. He almost called out to Luke and begged him not to bring his parents back in the room, but thought better of it. This was their house after all, and the last thing he needed was to give his father more fuel against him. Almost immediately after Luke left the room, Kylo’s knee began to bounce and he suddenly realized that it had been far too long since he’d had a drink in his hand.

After about three seconds of the incessant bouncing, Hux grabbed his knee under the table, forcing him to stop. He turned his head to look into his boyfriend’s eyes. Hux was gazing at him resolutely as if to silently say that everything was going to be okay. Kylo wished he could be as optimistic. He wasn’t even sure that Han was finished firing all of his ammunition at him. He didn’t even want to think about what he had saved up to fling at Hux.

Still, with Hux’s hand pressed firmly on his knee, Kylo felt his leg relax. He released a pent up breath that he didn’t even realize he was holding and swallowed, but his heart rate wouldn’t seem to slow. Hux leaned over and pressed his lips briefly against Kylo’s temple.

“It’s fine,” Hux whispered. “I can handle your father.”

The gesture was comforting, but it didn’t have the full effect intended. Hux was clearly going out of his way to show support, considering he hated public displays of affection. But Kylo now felt as if they were being examined under a microscope. Especially with the way that Anakin was now staring at them with a confused and contemplative look on his face. 

A door suddenly slammed and the sound of excited dog paws hitting the floor at running speed filled the air. A fraction of a second later Chewie was in the dining room and practically jumping on Hux’s lap.

“Chewie! Down!” Kylo yelled.

“He’s fine.” Hux insisted, but the look on his face suggested otherwise. It was hardly a secret that Hux was steadfastly a cat person. His eyes were wide in alarm and every muscle in his body was tensed as he tried to lean away from the dog’s advances. Kylo stood up and grabbed Chewie by the collar in an effort to pull him off of his boyfriend.

“Chewie, sit!” He commanded. The dog listened and looked up at him with a big goofy look on his face, completely oblivious to the fact that he’d scared the shit out of the strange ginger man in the room. Kylo sighed and patted him on the head. “Good boy.”

“Sorry,” Kylo said as he took his seat again. “He gets excited and-”

Kylo wasn’t able to finish his sentence as his parents and uncle walked into the room behind the dog. He swallowed and looked down. At the same time, Hux shot to his feet. Leia took a seat in her chair and Han stopped dead in his tracks. He looked Hux up and down. His eyes landed on the outstretched hand Hux was holding up and everyone froze. 

“Mr. Solo,” Hux said, his hand still hanging in the thick and tense air. “It’s good to see you again.”

Han grunted. Leia cleared her throat, forcing Han’s eyes to met hers. The look she gave him was one that Kylo had seen too many times to count, but that was still enough to strike fear in his heart and panic in his soul. She was pissed. And it seemed she was pissed at his father.  

After a few moments withering under his wife’s gaze, Han finally lifted his own hand to meet Hux’s. The handshake was forced but firm.

“O’Brien,” Han stated. For a long moment it seemed that was all that he was going to say. But Leia cleared her throat yet again, prompting Han to roll his eyes. “We’re happy to have you.”

With that he sat down and folded his napkin in his lap. Kylo stared at him. His jaw lax and mouth agape in surprise and confusion. He wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, but his mother had a very satisfied look on her face. Suddenly, he found himself very curious about whatever had happened in the few minutes that his parents were missing. It seemed that his mother had somehow managed to come back into the dining room with an entirely different husband. Leia only smiled.

“Who wants cake?”

 

* * *

 

 


End file.
